Chatroulette

Chatroulette

aint trippin? am I?

Oh my, i thing i dont have another choice than enrolling to Tec Milenio, i dont want to i would rather work in something make a good money and travel with that money idk.. i wanna save for traveling, i wanna go to Orlando and to Oklahoma and to Seattle, i mean maybe im tripping and i need to put my feet on the ground and accept that i dont have all that possibilities.

But gosh i think so different know that i am amoused with my feelings my dreams are so hard to reach and they are so high to accomplish, i dont know what to do next, my parents want me to go on tec milenio but dont want to.. i wanna go to guadalajara and the worst thing is that they thing that i wanna go there only por the party and to do whatever i want but not really, i dont even have the going out mood anymore or the partying one.. i need time by myself like to think or idk, im a thinker but eventho im alone all day I just need relaxing time i need to cry!!


i dont know what else to do or write.. im done with this

what's next?

So.. i have been having a really hard time here back home in mexico, I really dont like it, I actually hate it, I mean i have good time when i hang out with my friends and stuff, but i dont love it, i mean when i was gone i didnt like lose my social life at all cuz that meant that i was like livin somewhere else so it didnt matter for anyone here, but now that im back it really sucks.. i dont know what to do or think. im COMPLETELY lost, studying here in mazatlan would be my ruin.. for real, i hate it and that is what is gonna happen.. I wish I could like work or idk i really wanna go back to the states there i didnt have the night life i have here and all the drunkness or stuff, but at least i had peace and quiteness..

I had a room fro my own and everything i wanted on it, a nice house which i wasnt afraid or embarrased of showing it like this one with a beauty salon on the lower level.. which sucks looks like a fleece market down here i swear. is not classy at all. im not asking for too much.. Am I???
i just want to be normal.. i dont wanna be embarrased of what i have or my family.. thats all im asking for..

in all this year i spent in seattle i didnt cry at all.. maybe during x-mas that i did the letters to my parents.. but honestly i think we are better apart, i know there is no place like home.. but that quote doesnt apply to me.. i was better there.. eventho i hadnt much fun or i didnt have a lot of money i was happy i didnt cry at all.. there was no worries... here i have the lil party i get when i can make it to get ride home which i never get from my friends so,, but then it kind of has a hard side, cuz the social life is also high-maintance.. you lose it if you dont take good care of it.. during there the social life i had was thru skype and facebook which I loved.. cuz everybody knew why I couldnt atted the events cuz i was out of country...

Here the worries started already not only at home but everywhere, I didnt get an invite to lucia humarans party... and yeha that it is pretty lame cuz is gonna be a good party.. and the worst part of it is that is on my papadistos bday weekend and everybody is gonna be asking paulina my cousin where is she gonan go that night and stuff and she is gonna be full of shit about it and so is gonna be my tia carmen which I hate.. and I had a drema that u told her to shut the fuck up! hahaha this evening actually...

and plus that thing that I hope nobody makes fun of me or I look like the looser one in the fmaily between me and paulina with the socialite and me being a completely loooserr!...
i hate my tia carmen i can picture the scene right now ... she telling out loud to everyone that paulina has comal y metate with everyone and she is the shit and stuff and making me loook like a total looserrrrrrrr pendeja!

the other thing the pijamada last night at ale becerras was fun.. like a lot of drinking but i men... i really felt bad of what Isis was telling me.. like i knwo i dont have to care but that made me feel like i had no true friends.. or idkk.. like that made me feel awfull.. like they really have a good friendship and the are really close idk why that made me feeel like a bitch.. u all know what happenned between me and isis but god i know she was drunk.. but u know the quote yo?
kids and drunkards are the only ones whom say the truth..
so ya that was true she doesnt care about me at all.. and i mean idkk why i feel bad about it.. that makes me feel like apart...

anyway i have too much stuff going on in my life right now.. this weekend is my papaditos bday party and stuff and all the family is gonna be over.... and honestly im not in the moood for that at all !! all the ppl is gonna be asking..all the ppl is gonna be gossipin.. and im not just in the mood.. im sad that carmen left and also jealous that she is gonna have a godd time there i wish i could go there also.. i wish i could study here career... i think i have a lot of wishess...


im just sad right now and feeling like crap i have been crying lately a lot.. i just hate my life right now and the way it is.. i dont wanna study here and nadine made me a letter today that is making me feel more guilty.....and that pushes me to agree and study that here..in tec milenio..
i hate it!!


somebody help me.. i really need help rioght now and somebody that could listen me and i could just talk and talk and cry and cry... my mom=daughter relationship is screwed up i cant even talk to her and i dont want to is the worst thing i know is not her fault.. i love my mom is just that.. idk idk how to explain all the shit that i haven going on in my mind right now!
my life is messed up!
quiero a mi abuelita maria o a alguien que se me aparesca o nsoe alguine que me guiee quiero ser alguien en esta vidaaa porfavorr ayudaaa :(

BACK TO REALITY

Hello again, i havent write anythign ina while i knwo you know that sometimes im to lazy to write eventho i love writing, i really hope i dont loose my reading and writing skills while im here in mexico cuz simply here nobody does..

anyway im back home and it is weird.. but not that weird it doesnt seem that i have been gone for a whole year.. it seems like yesterday taht i went to a party or idk.. the same porblem same arguments and issues with my mom and dad same house.. well this time worse cuz idk we always fight im really lookinf forward to leave to gdl evetho idk if i can make it with my dad and all the thing that he says and my mom and the money!

it is so sad to be back im really missing my home back up there in Redmond it was all peace no fights no crying no anything!
and here im already havign trouble with my mom... here im poor.. there i wasnt!

i wish i had money really.. like im not asking for like being millionary or extremely rich im just asking for a normal house in a normal neighboorhood .. well ill write later on