Talking about another stuff this Saturday night I met Christian, the car wash guy who Roddy have been talking about since a long time ago, and about me hooking up with him. After all that bloof of Roddy all the time referring to my ''novio'' i finally got to meet him, Roddy gave him my number and he called me on Saturday like at 12 pm or so.. asking me if i wanted to go out in the night with him.. yeah kind of a date hahaha.. i wasnt sure and comfy with that calls but i agreed and said yes influenced by Amy and Roddy telling me that i dont lose anything if i go.. i would be out of home.. he invited me to Fussion.. a club in Seattle but after thinking about it i thought i might be weird like dancing and all the stuff and i dont know him so i told Roddy to tell him that would be better if we could go to the movies or something like that.. Christian agreed and he accorded to be at my hose t 9:30 pm to pick me up...
He is from Colombia and speaks Spanish as me, but i dont really like his accent tho, hahaha hes like ''chocolatico'' ''Anita'' and talking in ''Usted'' hahaha which is so weirdddddddddd!!! I personally think that sounds tacky or naco hahaha some of his words were weird! and he was calling me Anita all the time hahaha! anyway he was nice and very kind and of course very good looking tall with green eyes and im not sure if he uses braces hahaha i can barely remember his face now!!
I wasn't that excited about the idea of the guy, actually i wasn't sure about going but a part of me was telling me that i wouldn't lose anything if i go.. so i was planning to go..
I actually went shopping with Amy to Redmond town center that evening and had fun haha, after that i got home and everybody already knew about my date with the Colombiano, Dave made a couple jokes about it and seemed that he didnt agree with the idea that i was going on a date with a strange guy, but it didnt seem like a big deal for him he didnt tell me anything..and i didnt thing he would..
Later on that night like at 8:30 the fuss started i was getting ready, (and to mention that i wasnt very excited as i was with nick, i didnt care if i looked really fat and all that, i didnt even shave my mustache or hands hahaha so that means i wasnt really excited)
So Dave started saying thing about the kid and if that was OK for me to go.. i didnt take it very seriously i was actually doing my make up when Roddy called me to tell me that Dave called him very mad telling him why he was hooking up me with some carwasher older than me and a lot of stuff and told me to cancel the date.. I did cancel it.. i texted him like at 9:05 telling him that i had to babysit angel and that i couldnt go with him to the movies or wherever we were going..
he inmediately called me back telling me that he was on the freeway close by my house and that he at least wanted to see me. i agreed and let him came over to my house, that when i met him and we talked for like 20 minutes because i was supposed to be on my duty babysitting Angel.
I wasn't mad at Dave but one part of me thought he was going a little bit too far with his roll of ''guardian'' he told me it was his responsibility and i seemed i didnt care but on sunday i actually was mad after thinking about the shit that happened last night.. i really thought the fulano was cute and i dont know i felt like mad at him because of not letting me go because i didnt know him and all the shit he told me when i told him that i was not going anymore... c'mon im not a girl anymore i am 18 and the first actual date that i was about to have after almost 8 months here in the states he screwed it !! im going to be weird with him from now on.. i want him to notice that i got mad and i didnt like what he did screwing uo my date and making me seem like a little girl whom need to ask her mommy and daddy to go on a date with a 21 real old guy..!!that's the part i hate the most!! i look dumb!!
Today Monday the guy called me twice and texted me,, he was nice and if hes texting me and all that stuff again that means he stills was to hang out with me and if he wants i will go!! i dont know what I'm telling dave or dubby or what but i will go! i wont let him crew up my stuff again!! doesn't matter if roddy made this out or not!
i have to go to bed to go to school tomorrow cuz today i didnt got i could wake up in the morning.. hope the weeks go on fast cuz Oklahoma here i come...............!! and i want to be skinny;( i just had 2 burritos for dinner plus a corn im such a fat ass!! i hope Jordan and the other hots guys there doesnt mind it at all ;( cuz my self steem is on he ground right now!!!!!!!!!see ya guys
by the way the picnic from yesterday Sunday was nice and i got a little bit tanned wuwuuu!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
family situations.no please!
The others things that also influence my thoughts and my status of mind right now is that i feel guilty.. i mean I'm going to Oklahoma next week and I'm so excited about that, i can barely fall a sleep without thinking about that and all the crazy stuff we are gonna do there and all the fun I'm going to have.. as i said my frustrated dreams i wish that could be like my normal life here.. and that's why i feel guilty, cause i think i didn't do enough to try to socialize and to get the friends i wanted.. and now is too late.. this afternoon while i was watching TV downstairs i realized that I'm arriving on may 12 and the prom is on may 22... like a week later.. i don't have a dress, appointment with the salon, shoes, make up, tickets, and the last but most important.. the date..
Yes i don't have a guy to take me, and it would be lame to go by myself, i was all the time dreaming about going with the tall blond guy whom would be crazy about me, and spending a lot of money in me,, but that just didn't happen, i also realized that by the time i arrive from Oklahoma there would be like a little but more than a month and then i will be packing to go back home in Mazatlan.. and my year is gonna be over... i don't want it to be over.. i don't wanna go back home.. i don't wanna have conflicts with my mom all the time.. i don't wanna go back to that house which i don't like, i don't wanna hear my parents fight about money all the time, the craziness of my mom, the irresponsibility of my dad,, my sister's mood.. is my family and i love them more than anything in the world, i would give my life for them.. but i wish the thing could be different for us.. maybe I'm to ambitious, i ask for too much, and I'm talking about the money, i wish we could have a nice house.. maybe that would be the end of all the drama, i know i have always dreamed with a big house, a car, rich lifestyle and all the stuff.. but i thing with a normal house would be enough for me to be happy, they say is not the house or the money what makes a good person.. but in my case i think it would be better to our family case..
Today when i was talking to my mom and sis thru skype i could hear them fighting as they always do.. about money my mom yelling like all the time saying that she doesnt have any money, hollering to my sister ''Ask your dad'','' Tell him the same your saying to me'',''exigele''..
and all that.. that reminded me how my life used to be last year there.. awfull, and im just referring to my family life, I think the things could be a little more different if we had a normal House as i said, i mean I'm asking for a 3 room 2 bathroom house in at least alameda or lomas, or idk i just want to get rid of the centro..or at least if my house was nice even if i live in the worst neighborhood that wouldn't matter to me.. but is not the truth is that I'm ashamed of it.. that why i don't want anybody to pick me up or take me back home, besides almost anybody wants to, cuz is too far from where all the people live and nobody know my neighborhood and the few people that might want to take me or go visit me i say no cuz i don't want them to see where i live..
that is so lame.. i know i mean if i could have my own room with my own stuff.. and nobody interfering in my own things or sleeping all together.
The other thing that pissed me of is my feeling of like guilty about the money to Oklahoma, i currently have 365 dlls to cover my expenses during my time there, but im not sure it would be enough.. i hope my dad can give me an extra 100 dlls or maybe la ayoya that is always so good to me could give me something.. and i also hope i don't spend a lot of money this week to can spend there in Oklahoma.. my mom told me she will deposit me my month allowance in the next days.. i feel bad to ask her for my month cuz she already paid for my ticket $250... but the truth is that without that money I'm not sure if i could make it.. i know shes not rich and we have trouble with money but i don't know i know i don't ask for too much as my friends spend.. i mean i get 100 dlls a month and normally spend the last 2 weeks of it trying to don't spend on anything cuz i dont have more than 20 dlls left.. that's how the things are normally for me.. and thats why i feel bad and guilty for asking her for my allowance..i wish i couldn't feel guilty like my cousins do.. ask her parents for money all the time, even though they have their own money saved but they just doesnt want to spend theirs, or even when they still have money left, they ask for more cuz they know is not big deal for them and also keeping the change and all the stuff.. i couldn't do all that.. i would feel guilty cuz i know my mommy doesn't have a lot of money shes poor, well we are poor, and my dad now a day his job is going very good, he got a brand new truck and is doing well with bills and my monthly payment up here.. but is the same for us he is so cheap and he lets my mom at the end of the bills to pay, he gives her so little money that doesn't cover all our maintenance i think it was $700 pesos a week.. which is less than $70 dlls but my mom is so good that she can manage it with that little money, well he used to give her that money when i was there, i don't know if he now gives more.. im not sure, but im sure that as soon as i get there im gonna ask him for certain thing that i want from him since hes now doing good in his job.. like a cellphone plan which he would pay, a weekly allowance that he will need to give to me no matter what and i want a car.. I'm not sure if that would happen.. but i still want it.. keep dreaming Ana!
The other night i was thinking about my career, university and all that.. i don't wanna stay in Mazatlan, for the reason i mentioned above,, and will list them again:
-house, (don't like it at all, ashamed of it, and so ppl cant go visit me and I'm sick of hiding it)
-family situations,( mom moods, money fighting, dad irresponsibility, don't let me do anything)
-social status, ( if you stay means u don't have the money to leave)
-husband?? ( how can i get a good prospect in mzt if all the cholos stay there? how can i get a good bf and so forth if all the lame class is the one who stays?)
-career ( i want to study at uvm and that is not in mzt)(but my parents doesn't care)
Now that i have tried living on my own i loved it, i have peace and do what i want with nobody telling me to take a shower or go to bed, i have my own consequences and manage my self to do everything for me, i also wondered how it would be like living in the apartment with my cousins Carmen and Paulina in GDL, considering that her apartment there is three times better and bigger than my current family house in Mzt, and it has more than 1 bathroom, i could invite people over with no shame FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE besides the house here in Seattle. That would be very nice, i care a lot about my cousins and I'm sure they do about me and think we could work it out living together, i mean i could cook and I'm organized, we could all hang out together and got to the clubs,, but i don't really think that would happen.. my dad wouldn't pay for all that.. i wish my tia chayo could sponsor my career.. that would be nice! but c'mon keep dreaming again Anita!
i don't know why i feel like this trashy right now talking about all that, i think is good for me tho cuz i kind of relieve myself my writing it down, but there is also good things, it seems that i just write about the bad ones but those are the ones who consum my thoughts the most, the fact that I'm going to OKC makes me so happy, I'm a lil bit worried about the stop in Phoenix and in Denver but God and the Virgin Marie will be with me and i will make it with no trouble if they want.
Yes i don't have a guy to take me, and it would be lame to go by myself, i was all the time dreaming about going with the tall blond guy whom would be crazy about me, and spending a lot of money in me,, but that just didn't happen, i also realized that by the time i arrive from Oklahoma there would be like a little but more than a month and then i will be packing to go back home in Mazatlan.. and my year is gonna be over... i don't want it to be over.. i don't wanna go back home.. i don't wanna have conflicts with my mom all the time.. i don't wanna go back to that house which i don't like, i don't wanna hear my parents fight about money all the time, the craziness of my mom, the irresponsibility of my dad,, my sister's mood.. is my family and i love them more than anything in the world, i would give my life for them.. but i wish the thing could be different for us.. maybe I'm to ambitious, i ask for too much, and I'm talking about the money, i wish we could have a nice house.. maybe that would be the end of all the drama, i know i have always dreamed with a big house, a car, rich lifestyle and all the stuff.. but i thing with a normal house would be enough for me to be happy, they say is not the house or the money what makes a good person.. but in my case i think it would be better to our family case..
Today when i was talking to my mom and sis thru skype i could hear them fighting as they always do.. about money my mom yelling like all the time saying that she doesnt have any money, hollering to my sister ''Ask your dad'','' Tell him the same your saying to me'',''exigele''..
and all that.. that reminded me how my life used to be last year there.. awfull, and im just referring to my family life, I think the things could be a little more different if we had a normal House as i said, i mean I'm asking for a 3 room 2 bathroom house in at least alameda or lomas, or idk i just want to get rid of the centro..or at least if my house was nice even if i live in the worst neighborhood that wouldn't matter to me.. but is not the truth is that I'm ashamed of it.. that why i don't want anybody to pick me up or take me back home, besides almost anybody wants to, cuz is too far from where all the people live and nobody know my neighborhood and the few people that might want to take me or go visit me i say no cuz i don't want them to see where i live..
that is so lame.. i know i mean if i could have my own room with my own stuff.. and nobody interfering in my own things or sleeping all together.
The other thing that pissed me of is my feeling of like guilty about the money to Oklahoma, i currently have 365 dlls to cover my expenses during my time there, but im not sure it would be enough.. i hope my dad can give me an extra 100 dlls or maybe la ayoya that is always so good to me could give me something.. and i also hope i don't spend a lot of money this week to can spend there in Oklahoma.. my mom told me she will deposit me my month allowance in the next days.. i feel bad to ask her for my month cuz she already paid for my ticket $250... but the truth is that without that money I'm not sure if i could make it.. i know shes not rich and we have trouble with money but i don't know i know i don't ask for too much as my friends spend.. i mean i get 100 dlls a month and normally spend the last 2 weeks of it trying to don't spend on anything cuz i dont have more than 20 dlls left.. that's how the things are normally for me.. and thats why i feel bad and guilty for asking her for my allowance..i wish i couldn't feel guilty like my cousins do.. ask her parents for money all the time, even though they have their own money saved but they just doesnt want to spend theirs, or even when they still have money left, they ask for more cuz they know is not big deal for them and also keeping the change and all the stuff.. i couldn't do all that.. i would feel guilty cuz i know my mommy doesn't have a lot of money shes poor, well we are poor, and my dad now a day his job is going very good, he got a brand new truck and is doing well with bills and my monthly payment up here.. but is the same for us he is so cheap and he lets my mom at the end of the bills to pay, he gives her so little money that doesn't cover all our maintenance i think it was $700 pesos a week.. which is less than $70 dlls but my mom is so good that she can manage it with that little money, well he used to give her that money when i was there, i don't know if he now gives more.. im not sure, but im sure that as soon as i get there im gonna ask him for certain thing that i want from him since hes now doing good in his job.. like a cellphone plan which he would pay, a weekly allowance that he will need to give to me no matter what and i want a car.. I'm not sure if that would happen.. but i still want it.. keep dreaming Ana!
The other night i was thinking about my career, university and all that.. i don't wanna stay in Mazatlan, for the reason i mentioned above,, and will list them again:
-house, (don't like it at all, ashamed of it, and so ppl cant go visit me and I'm sick of hiding it)
-family situations,( mom moods, money fighting, dad irresponsibility, don't let me do anything)
-social status, ( if you stay means u don't have the money to leave)
-husband?? ( how can i get a good prospect in mzt if all the cholos stay there? how can i get a good bf and so forth if all the lame class is the one who stays?)
-career ( i want to study at uvm and that is not in mzt)(but my parents doesn't care)
Now that i have tried living on my own i loved it, i have peace and do what i want with nobody telling me to take a shower or go to bed, i have my own consequences and manage my self to do everything for me, i also wondered how it would be like living in the apartment with my cousins Carmen and Paulina in GDL, considering that her apartment there is three times better and bigger than my current family house in Mzt, and it has more than 1 bathroom, i could invite people over with no shame FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE besides the house here in Seattle. That would be very nice, i care a lot about my cousins and I'm sure they do about me and think we could work it out living together, i mean i could cook and I'm organized, we could all hang out together and got to the clubs,, but i don't really think that would happen.. my dad wouldn't pay for all that.. i wish my tia chayo could sponsor my career.. that would be nice! but c'mon keep dreaming again Anita!
i don't know why i feel like this trashy right now talking about all that, i think is good for me tho cuz i kind of relieve myself my writing it down, but there is also good things, it seems that i just write about the bad ones but those are the ones who consum my thoughts the most, the fact that I'm going to OKC makes me so happy, I'm a lil bit worried about the stop in Phoenix and in Denver but God and the Virgin Marie will be with me and i will make it with no trouble if they want.
weird status of mind..papadito
Sorry for not begin able to write lately, but i have been lazy i think.. right now my mind status is.. weird i don't feel good tho.. i feel like disappointed of myself but mixed with sadness.. or maybe worry.. I'm not sure.. im just too quiet, i don't feel like talking.. but I'm not upset tho, cause in a little bit more thank a week im going to be in the place i wanted to be since i arrived here.. Oklahoma visiting jarred and jordan, hooking up with guys and getting wasted dancing the night out.. i think im so excite about that cuz in the 2 weeks that im going to spend there are my frustrated dream of the year that i thought it will be like that.. i want all the partying i haven't been doing to happen there.. yeah it is lame i know.. its kinda like i wish the life im gonna have in the two weeks there would be the life that i have been having up here in Seattle this year, as i said before it is not that i dont like what i have right now.. i just expected something different and of course more partying, dates, hot blond guys, best friends and stuff.. which haven't happened a lot..or well not at all..
The part that i mentioned at the beginning about my mind status right now i want to explain it.. the sadness is because my papadito, i just talked with my mom thru skype and told me that he has been getting worse.. that hes not going to the wedding of my cousin in Torreon because can't, she told me he can barely walk and with someone to hold him.. she told me he is not even a little bit of the papadito that i left on August 28 of the last year... that made me so sad.. she told me hes worse everyday and not that he is sick as he was but just too tired all the time, just sleeping and waking up to eat, that he doesn't hear very good and it is not that he used to hear good but that now is worse, and she also told me that is hard for him to keep a fluent conversation with someone cause he forgets the names of the things,, in few words that his mind is been damaged too.. That made me so sad.. and made me feel so selfish at the same time.. like kind of guilty because I'm not there and also that i don't talk to him a lot.. the last time i talked to him was like maybe a month ago and he couldn't hear me so well but by the time he heard my voice he said ''hija'' ''cuando llegas''' he was excited to hear me like he has been missing me... I'm crying right now... i dont him to die.. i don't anything to happen to him, i love him so much and if that happens and I'm not there i would just die.
I know God had been so good to us for let us borrow him for more than 94 years with good health and no more than happiness and good memories, I'm grateful of that, but still i don't want him to suffer i just want him to be OK and to be the same one as i left the past summer, the same old man with his baston and his little pocket for the change hanging from his belt to give to his granddaughters... i love you so much papadito, and i don't want anything to happen to you!! te amo mucho!!!!! Aguanta otro ratito mas porfavor yo se que tu puedes!!Diosito porfavor dale salud!!!
The part that i mentioned at the beginning about my mind status right now i want to explain it.. the sadness is because my papadito, i just talked with my mom thru skype and told me that he has been getting worse.. that hes not going to the wedding of my cousin in Torreon because can't, she told me he can barely walk and with someone to hold him.. she told me he is not even a little bit of the papadito that i left on August 28 of the last year... that made me so sad.. she told me hes worse everyday and not that he is sick as he was but just too tired all the time, just sleeping and waking up to eat, that he doesn't hear very good and it is not that he used to hear good but that now is worse, and she also told me that is hard for him to keep a fluent conversation with someone cause he forgets the names of the things,, in few words that his mind is been damaged too.. That made me so sad.. and made me feel so selfish at the same time.. like kind of guilty because I'm not there and also that i don't talk to him a lot.. the last time i talked to him was like maybe a month ago and he couldn't hear me so well but by the time he heard my voice he said ''hija'' ''cuando llegas''' he was excited to hear me like he has been missing me... I'm crying right now... i dont him to die.. i don't anything to happen to him, i love him so much and if that happens and I'm not there i would just die.
I know God had been so good to us for let us borrow him for more than 94 years with good health and no more than happiness and good memories, I'm grateful of that, but still i don't want him to suffer i just want him to be OK and to be the same one as i left the past summer, the same old man with his baston and his little pocket for the change hanging from his belt to give to his granddaughters... i love you so much papadito, and i don't want anything to happen to you!! te amo mucho!!!!! Aguanta otro ratito mas porfavor yo se que tu puedes!!Diosito porfavor dale salud!!!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
wish came true.. OKC
Finally it seems that the things are becoming better for me, im so happy now, it seems weird thatn the past post i have been telling how misareble mi life was.. but now now and guess hat happened?? YES!! im going to Oklahoma!! finally my wish came true!! i couldnt be more happy!! im leaving the 28 in two more weeks and im gonna be staying there for another 2 weeks!
now seems that my bad luck had gone away, yesterday and today i have been a pretty good days at school and all the stuff im feeling pretty good! and all is beacuse i got my ticket yesterday night! my momg got it for me with her credit card, after all the fuss with the card that my sis couldnt scan, i got the number and dave helped me to get it! i was thinkign all night about that.!
i very gratefull to my mom because she paid for it! now i hope my dad can send me the money to spend there, im also saving the money i have i dont wanna spend it here although im dying to go shopping hahaha!
i dont think im very inspiored today or maybe it is because im watching a funny movie its name is road trip2... something about beer pong hahaha which i wanna try it out in oklahoma and also the green thing for the first time! hahaha
thank you god for listening to my prays!! im so thankfull
now seems that my bad luck had gone away, yesterday and today i have been a pretty good days at school and all the stuff im feeling pretty good! and all is beacuse i got my ticket yesterday night! my momg got it for me with her credit card, after all the fuss with the card that my sis couldnt scan, i got the number and dave helped me to get it! i was thinkign all night about that.!
i very gratefull to my mom because she paid for it! now i hope my dad can send me the money to spend there, im also saving the money i have i dont wanna spend it here although im dying to go shopping hahaha!
i dont think im very inspiored today or maybe it is because im watching a funny movie its name is road trip2... something about beer pong hahaha which i wanna try it out in oklahoma and also the green thing for the first time! hahaha
thank you god for listening to my prays!! im so thankfull
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
my room.. same old shit
Definitely march wasn't my month, and now April.. the old shit..... my mom still doesn't call me, i leave messages all the time and I'm looking like crazy if my sis is on in msn so i can talk to them, but they don't want to talk to me, they know i want something..
yesterday night was horrible, i couldn't fall asleep til like very late, it sucks i was thinking in everything,,, everything, about my career as soon as i get in Mexico, what am i gonna do? i definitely don't wanna stay at home, i hate that house, the yelling, everything, the fact that i have to share my room, just all that same old shit, my mom so annoying, eventhought i miss her now i know i will want to get rid of her within to weeks after i arrive in summer.. no more of two weeks and I'm gonna be sick of her.. i bet! and the major thing, my house i just hated I'm ashamed of it i swear and it is juts too far away that nobodies is able to give me a ride or pick me u when we are going out like the other girls do.. i HATE IT! i never invite ppl over to my house, i don't like it, nor to their houses that are big with big yards and lots of bathrooms not only one, and also they don't sleep in the same room as their moms during summer to save money on the electricity bill... and yes I'm 18.. going to be 19 in October, my sis is 15 and we still sleep in the same room with my mom during the night.. i want a room for my own, just like this one here in Seattle, i didnt know how was it to have a room for myself til i got here to Washington, and i love it, i know that the clothes dont appear magically in my drawers washed and clean, but although i have to do it all i still prefer this room, although it is small i love it, i have everything what i need in the spot i know, no one messes around my stuff or takes the same thing as i do, nobody enters to my room so early in the morning to use a comb or make up or look at the selves in my mirror, i have a quiet room, no more noise than angels crying sometimes.. but doesn't bothers me at all, no buses, no noisy men selling water or bread, no tacky people hollering at each other or nasty narcos songs in big trucks every morning since 7 am...here theres always a place to park, and fresh air cus we are in the woods. i will miss all of this so much, and i actually like to do my laundry an all that stuff, i know were is everything cuz nobody takes it or ever goes in my room besides angel and sometimes the nana to say goodnight,i have my own desk to put my lap which im using right now, a closet with all my stuff in order and nobody uses it besides me (sister), i like to keep everything in order and i do my laundry once a week. all together.
i don't make my bed a lot as i used to do it before, like at the very beginning almost everyday, but still, nobody cares if i do it or no.. nobody sees..
Oklahoma...
today i talked to jarred on the phone, he called me while i was sleeping, asking me again when i was going over to his house in OKC... i told him soon... but that soon just doesn't come.. i have been here for more than 7 months and i haven't kissed anyone, haha im ashamed of myself, the year that i thought would be wild and crazy with a lot of boost and making out with hot guys.... yeah sure... i dont know what i have to do.. but i don't wanna go back to Mex without kissing anybody... that's why i want jordan.. but now im getting so damn FAT and all is my parents fault i already lost my motivation to dieting... it was OKC AND JORDAN.. but now since they doesnt give me a yes as answer and i havent buy my plane ticket, and sincerely everyday i see the oklahoma thing going further away... im so damn sad this past month and also this one have been lame i dont ever go out AT ALL.. only with amy which doesnt go out a lot.. and by going out i mean going to bel square or something like that...today is the eventh i have 5 dollars in my wallet til he twenties of this month.. i don know if ayya deposited me the money she told me for the 'contacts'' but i doubt it since she doesn have my account number a she might have forgotten and didnt ask my mom for it.. i want to go shopping so badly...but i also need money for OKC... i just need money thats all i need... the damn babysitting job was all bullshit .....
anyway im begin so negative and so far that all what i have been doing... complaining about everything and telling how my life sucks this days... but actually today was a pretty good day at school... there were 2 new guys from michoacan mex. i felt kind of sorry for them cuz they dont know any english and they seem pretty lost, anyway i helped them and in my computer applications class which i like the most... mrs harris told me that i was becoming a tutor, and placed adriana the girl from michoacan right next to me and in the otehr side as alwasy my betsie waiyen which i help all the time.. i like him alot hes very nice i think hes my bets friend everything he is naco and emo, i like him a lot we have a really good time and he is so funny and cares about me, i like begin able to help them i mean like the girl she donest know anything at all... poor she but lucky she that im there cuz i like to help i know how it feels, and eventhough shes naca is not her fault, i like begin good, makes me feel nice to help the ppl who need it, at least she didnt spend her first day that lost at all.. i will help her all i can..
well that was my god day at school, and i also liked that Narayana Gragmena the prettiest girl on school told me she liked my outfit my earing and everything on me hahaha, shes the girl who dressses the best in RHS so that was an accomplishment i love all her outfits and theres no day i dont like one thing she wearing.. and also she is very pretty, but they say shes lesbian, lame i know but im not sure, what a waste if she is hahaha and shes from Italia, i want to become friend with her.. but i thingk is too late.. im not sure..
what else? i dont know, i guess ill talk to you later.. i like this thing its kind of my diary i would never let anybody know i have this or maybe i would like ppl that i dont know to see this but thats all.. see ya
yesterday night was horrible, i couldn't fall asleep til like very late, it sucks i was thinking in everything,,, everything, about my career as soon as i get in Mexico, what am i gonna do? i definitely don't wanna stay at home, i hate that house, the yelling, everything, the fact that i have to share my room, just all that same old shit, my mom so annoying, eventhought i miss her now i know i will want to get rid of her within to weeks after i arrive in summer.. no more of two weeks and I'm gonna be sick of her.. i bet! and the major thing, my house i just hated I'm ashamed of it i swear and it is juts too far away that nobodies is able to give me a ride or pick me u when we are going out like the other girls do.. i HATE IT! i never invite ppl over to my house, i don't like it, nor to their houses that are big with big yards and lots of bathrooms not only one, and also they don't sleep in the same room as their moms during summer to save money on the electricity bill... and yes I'm 18.. going to be 19 in October, my sis is 15 and we still sleep in the same room with my mom during the night.. i want a room for my own, just like this one here in Seattle, i didnt know how was it to have a room for myself til i got here to Washington, and i love it, i know that the clothes dont appear magically in my drawers washed and clean, but although i have to do it all i still prefer this room, although it is small i love it, i have everything what i need in the spot i know, no one messes around my stuff or takes the same thing as i do, nobody enters to my room so early in the morning to use a comb or make up or look at the selves in my mirror, i have a quiet room, no more noise than angels crying sometimes.. but doesn't bothers me at all, no buses, no noisy men selling water or bread, no tacky people hollering at each other or nasty narcos songs in big trucks every morning since 7 am...here theres always a place to park, and fresh air cus we are in the woods. i will miss all of this so much, and i actually like to do my laundry an all that stuff, i know were is everything cuz nobody takes it or ever goes in my room besides angel and sometimes the nana to say goodnight,i have my own desk to put my lap which im using right now, a closet with all my stuff in order and nobody uses it besides me (sister), i like to keep everything in order and i do my laundry once a week. all together.
i don't make my bed a lot as i used to do it before, like at the very beginning almost everyday, but still, nobody cares if i do it or no.. nobody sees..
Oklahoma...
today i talked to jarred on the phone, he called me while i was sleeping, asking me again when i was going over to his house in OKC... i told him soon... but that soon just doesn't come.. i have been here for more than 7 months and i haven't kissed anyone, haha im ashamed of myself, the year that i thought would be wild and crazy with a lot of boost and making out with hot guys.... yeah sure... i dont know what i have to do.. but i don't wanna go back to Mex without kissing anybody... that's why i want jordan.. but now im getting so damn FAT and all is my parents fault i already lost my motivation to dieting... it was OKC AND JORDAN.. but now since they doesnt give me a yes as answer and i havent buy my plane ticket, and sincerely everyday i see the oklahoma thing going further away... im so damn sad this past month and also this one have been lame i dont ever go out AT ALL.. only with amy which doesnt go out a lot.. and by going out i mean going to bel square or something like that...today is the eventh i have 5 dollars in my wallet til he twenties of this month.. i don know if ayya deposited me the money she told me for the 'contacts'' but i doubt it since she doesn have my account number a she might have forgotten and didnt ask my mom for it.. i want to go shopping so badly...but i also need money for OKC... i just need money thats all i need... the damn babysitting job was all bullshit .....
anyway im begin so negative and so far that all what i have been doing... complaining about everything and telling how my life sucks this days... but actually today was a pretty good day at school... there were 2 new guys from michoacan mex. i felt kind of sorry for them cuz they dont know any english and they seem pretty lost, anyway i helped them and in my computer applications class which i like the most... mrs harris told me that i was becoming a tutor, and placed adriana the girl from michoacan right next to me and in the otehr side as alwasy my betsie waiyen which i help all the time.. i like him alot hes very nice i think hes my bets friend everything he is naco and emo, i like him a lot we have a really good time and he is so funny and cares about me, i like begin able to help them i mean like the girl she donest know anything at all... poor she but lucky she that im there cuz i like to help i know how it feels, and eventhough shes naca is not her fault, i like begin good, makes me feel nice to help the ppl who need it, at least she didnt spend her first day that lost at all.. i will help her all i can..
well that was my god day at school, and i also liked that Narayana Gragmena the prettiest girl on school told me she liked my outfit my earing and everything on me hahaha, shes the girl who dressses the best in RHS so that was an accomplishment i love all her outfits and theres no day i dont like one thing she wearing.. and also she is very pretty, but they say shes lesbian, lame i know but im not sure, what a waste if she is hahaha and shes from Italia, i want to become friend with her.. but i thingk is too late.. im not sure..
what else? i dont know, i guess ill talk to you later.. i like this thing its kind of my diary i would never let anybody know i have this or maybe i would like ppl that i dont know to see this but thats all.. see ya
Monday, April 5, 2010
face skin and no telephone calls from mex.
Spring break is sadly over now, isnt that it was so much fun but still only to think in the idea of waking up at 6;00 in the morning makes me wanna go throw up, i hate it.
Yesterday night i burned my self accidentally with a damn nair cream all the upper side of my upper lip is red as hell, and in both sides i have little burns of the damn cream to take my mustache off, damn it! i didnt even had too much, just like 3 little tinny hair.. anyway this morning i had to put a lot of makeup on for the ppl to dont notice, but still.. i feel weird when i stare are ppl or when i talk to them, i think everyone is looking at my damn full of break outs face.
i think im doing good at school, i like it a lot the subjects are pretty interesting i wish the friend this wasnt that lame.
As soon as i got home at 2 i opened the door after my 4 block walk to get to my house while it was raining, lucky for me it started rained harder when i just got home..and as soon as i got home i went directly to the bathroom without going to say good evening to the living room to everyone as i usually do...
i wanted to see my face in the mirror..
it was horrible the damn cream also burned part of my cheek and 3 pimples appeared from i dont know where, since i dont have acne a lot!!! i washed my face with the scrub that i just got yesterday at fredmeyers and they re advertising all the time in tv the l'oreal go clean 360 with a palette to massage ur face hahaha, so i washed my hair with my clean and clear soap took all the make up off and i looked at the ugly reality my ski is so irritated so damn red it looks awful!!
when i finally went downstairs i didnt want the family to see my face, but they did.. they were amazed that i did go to skool this morning with that damn full of acne face...
i took a long like two hours and a half nap, it was good , i love naps and sleeping, and i also dreamed something idk what but i did and it was pretty big dream related to the family here, and now that i remember my ''cousins'' luke and savanna were there in the dream and it was about the house i lived in the third floor and the house was pretty messy and ugly a different house...?????? idk why i have such weird dreams and i dont know why.. it happens to me all the time, one time i want to learn about dreams, is such an interesting topic...
ohh an later on i came with the idea that i really associate the dreams that im having with what is actually is happening to me, and to what to what is happening while i sleep, cuz i hear angels crying, somebody just knocked the door, im asleep but i still can hear the noise outside of my room and where is everybody, so i could associate my dream with what is really happening downstairs at the kitchen if i hear somebodies voice it can like come to my mind who it is an appear in my dream.. hahah i know... weird..
Talking about another stuff.. the oklahoma trip still in the same old shit..my mom barely talks to me, the last time we talked she said no and that she was sick, the damn computer at my house in mexico is not working right now, or maybe is just my sister that blocked me because im telling her to tell my mom or dad to call me all the time... i pissed off because i told my mom that i wanted my dad to call me, and apparently she didnt told him or he just acts like he didnt listen, i really need the money to go to oklahoma i need my plane ticket to be bought soon!!!...
omg im so sad just thinking about that, i hope my tia aurora finally deposited me the money she said for my ''contacts'' cuz apparently she was doing the deposit today i hope she remembered, cuz i have $10 dlls in my wallet, til the twenties....... lame....but thats whats happens to me all the time, after one or two weeks i run out form money cuz $100 dlls is not enough for a whole month!! i really want to go shopping... i need a bathing suit asap... is been a long time since i shopped the last time and im in the States!!!!!!!! my life is so damn miserable .. but what is in my mind the most is OKC.. and my parents are just careless that im that excited to go..the simply dont care, and they dont want me to go...im pissed off.. THE DONT CALL ME!! and i need to start begging for the plane ticket!!! i need the computer in mex to be fixed and they can call me thru skype and see e crying. otherwise if i really really REALLY dont see results of my begging i wont talk to them, no mattes if the pc is fixed or no if they call me ill ignore the call, i wont answer or if they call me home ill pick up the phone and hang up...i dont wanna do that but omg i deserve the fuckin damn trip that i have been wanting to go since forever.. i hope la ayoya can help me with the ticket or maybe just convincing my mom =((.. im so sad i feel like crying right now..
and about my dad he barely talks to me, hes never on in messenger when he is we video chat but thats like once a month and sometimes he would call me one weekend to see how i am, but since he knows i want money and i want to go to a trip he wont call me to listen to my crying.. i hate it... i hate the way he is sometimes.. so careless, he lefts on my mom all the package of 2 teenagers..
please god please, please please PLEASE! make my wish come true.. i want to go to oklahoma with jarred and jordan =(((!!!! that's all i want..
and i also want to stop eating... see you guys.. pray for me and my okc trip...
Yesterday night i burned my self accidentally with a damn nair cream all the upper side of my upper lip is red as hell, and in both sides i have little burns of the damn cream to take my mustache off, damn it! i didnt even had too much, just like 3 little tinny hair.. anyway this morning i had to put a lot of makeup on for the ppl to dont notice, but still.. i feel weird when i stare are ppl or when i talk to them, i think everyone is looking at my damn full of break outs face.
i think im doing good at school, i like it a lot the subjects are pretty interesting i wish the friend this wasnt that lame.
As soon as i got home at 2 i opened the door after my 4 block walk to get to my house while it was raining, lucky for me it started rained harder when i just got home..and as soon as i got home i went directly to the bathroom without going to say good evening to the living room to everyone as i usually do...
i wanted to see my face in the mirror..
it was horrible the damn cream also burned part of my cheek and 3 pimples appeared from i dont know where, since i dont have acne a lot!!! i washed my face with the scrub that i just got yesterday at fredmeyers and they re advertising all the time in tv the l'oreal go clean 360 with a palette to massage ur face hahaha, so i washed my hair with my clean and clear soap took all the make up off and i looked at the ugly reality my ski is so irritated so damn red it looks awful!!
when i finally went downstairs i didnt want the family to see my face, but they did.. they were amazed that i did go to skool this morning with that damn full of acne face...
i took a long like two hours and a half nap, it was good , i love naps and sleeping, and i also dreamed something idk what but i did and it was pretty big dream related to the family here, and now that i remember my ''cousins'' luke and savanna were there in the dream and it was about the house i lived in the third floor and the house was pretty messy and ugly a different house...?????? idk why i have such weird dreams and i dont know why.. it happens to me all the time, one time i want to learn about dreams, is such an interesting topic...
ohh an later on i came with the idea that i really associate the dreams that im having with what is actually is happening to me, and to what to what is happening while i sleep, cuz i hear angels crying, somebody just knocked the door, im asleep but i still can hear the noise outside of my room and where is everybody, so i could associate my dream with what is really happening downstairs at the kitchen if i hear somebodies voice it can like come to my mind who it is an appear in my dream.. hahah i know... weird..
Talking about another stuff.. the oklahoma trip still in the same old shit..my mom barely talks to me, the last time we talked she said no and that she was sick, the damn computer at my house in mexico is not working right now, or maybe is just my sister that blocked me because im telling her to tell my mom or dad to call me all the time... i pissed off because i told my mom that i wanted my dad to call me, and apparently she didnt told him or he just acts like he didnt listen, i really need the money to go to oklahoma i need my plane ticket to be bought soon!!!...
omg im so sad just thinking about that, i hope my tia aurora finally deposited me the money she said for my ''contacts'' cuz apparently she was doing the deposit today i hope she remembered, cuz i have $10 dlls in my wallet, til the twenties....... lame....but thats whats happens to me all the time, after one or two weeks i run out form money cuz $100 dlls is not enough for a whole month!! i really want to go shopping... i need a bathing suit asap... is been a long time since i shopped the last time and im in the States!!!!!!!! my life is so damn miserable .. but what is in my mind the most is OKC.. and my parents are just careless that im that excited to go..the simply dont care, and they dont want me to go...im pissed off.. THE DONT CALL ME!! and i need to start begging for the plane ticket!!! i need the computer in mex to be fixed and they can call me thru skype and see e crying. otherwise if i really really REALLY dont see results of my begging i wont talk to them, no mattes if the pc is fixed or no if they call me ill ignore the call, i wont answer or if they call me home ill pick up the phone and hang up...i dont wanna do that but omg i deserve the fuckin damn trip that i have been wanting to go since forever.. i hope la ayoya can help me with the ticket or maybe just convincing my mom =((.. im so sad i feel like crying right now..
and about my dad he barely talks to me, hes never on in messenger when he is we video chat but thats like once a month and sometimes he would call me one weekend to see how i am, but since he knows i want money and i want to go to a trip he wont call me to listen to my crying.. i hate it... i hate the way he is sometimes.. so careless, he lefts on my mom all the package of 2 teenagers..
please god please, please please PLEASE! make my wish come true.. i want to go to oklahoma with jarred and jordan =(((!!!! that's all i want..
and i also want to stop eating... see you guys.. pray for me and my okc trip...
Friday, April 2, 2010
2:54 in the morning..
2:45 in the morning, what a day, what did i do? same old thing i said yesterday.. nothing, this spring break has been pretty boring. and in the top of that the Oklahoma thing, my mom finally called me today after my multiple tries to reach her, i hoped o could at least hear a maybe, or let me try, but it was a no.. not with J, i feel like shit right now, i really really want to go, she told me she would talk to my dad and see what we could do, with the money stuff and my sisters trip, but I'm not asking for too much. i hope ayoya could help me with this, my airplane ticket or something :(((((((((((((( my life is so lame, I'm such a looser and OKc is the only thing that keeps me awake.. i want to go, i cant go back home on July without at least one adventure:(.. since i have had 0 up here, i try to look like I'm such partying so much and making out and hooking up with a lot of gringos, but i know it is not real, just my mind trying to impress the ppl who I'm sure I'm thinking I'm having such a blast, and it is not that I'm not having a lot of fun,, but ...... theres always a but i wish i could have friends to party and invite me over their houses and picking me up and all the stuff, not the stupid looser friends i have that are way lamer than me, at least i have sense of style and attitude, not like them.... anyway at least i have some..i should keep complaining in this blos , that all i have been doing since i made it like yesterday or the day before, theres also a lot of good stuff, but always the worst one is the one that stays on my mind for the most of the time like right now, oklahoma!!! omg i cant think in another thing besides that, i swear i dream about getting there and drinking and partying and begin in cars singing with the windows down and the music loud with a bunch of blond ppl... like i always dreamed for my life in the states, i wanna have it for two weeks in Oklahoma and i sure i will have a blast if I go.... please please god!!! i have been so good!!! please let me go :(((!!! make my wish come true!!! my dad and mom please!! and my other family that are willing to help me...$$$...lets see what happens... hope i can get an answer soon.. well i hope i can get a yes soon, cuz theres no way I'm accepting a no as an answer... I'm dying to go.. and i will kill somebody to go.. haha jk!
the sprong break has been awfull hope the ends of it gets better.... OKC PLEASE!!!!!!:(
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
btw i made a couple of tricks to my fam here. huhu it was fun!!
the sprong break has been awfull hope the ends of it gets better.... OKC PLEASE!!!!!!:(
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
btw i made a couple of tricks to my fam here. huhu it was fun!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
OK PLEASE!!
Sometimes i impress myself, by finding out how stalker i am, yes in fact this blog is a product of my stalking, facebook my best tool for my stalker passion, i found this there....
Anyway im on spring break from school.. all this week.. and it has been boring.. kind of relaxing but boring, i havent gone anywhere at ALL, i have stayed home all day all week, that sucks, in the mean time my friends from mexico im sure theyre having a blast in the beach and sun, and me? here i am.. as i was yesterday laying on the couch with my laptop next to me watchin TV and the day before, and the day before, i wish i could have more friends, like in the school and stuff, I'm not as confident as i thought i guess, i wish they could come over to my house pick me up and go with no destination just hanging out like we do it in mex. well they do it here, but since none of the few friend i have, have a car, its almost impossible for me to go out when I'm bored, i want more adventure, more fun..wild!
talking about another stuff i really want to go to Oklahoma=(!! with jarred but omg my mom just made a total big deal out of it I'm sick of it she didnt even call me today, and also my dad, i knew he would say noo... but omg c'mon im sure i will have alot of fun down there if i goo!! im dieing to goo!! that's the why of al my dieting (that now sucks cuz I'm eating like crazy), but was all bcuz of jordan i really like him and omg i really want to be down there gettin drunk with em!!
i hope this weekend i can get an affirmative answer cuz I'm not accepting a no as an answer!!! I'm really willing to go and have sleepovers with jordan and all the gang!! omg i dream about that!!
and i need to be skinny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but omg i just love to eat i would never forgive myself if another guy ditch me again because of my FAT !! eventhought i feel skinnier i still think i need more cuz sometimes i see myself so skinny and some other times i just see my fat ass in the mirror and wanna go out and throw up all i ate during the day, i would never do that cuz im not dumb and know that once you start that there no easy way to get out, but come onnnnnnnnn mannnnn he had been with a lot of hot girls im sure his ex is so damn hot, (of course not with my big bubs) but shes hot! i really hope he likes me when we get to know each other finally after all the flirting, i swear oklahoma is the only thing that right now keeps me awake dreaming i really want to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and have for at least 10 days all the fun i have missed here because of the fu**** mexican stereotype that most of the american ppl has, and is not that im blaming all on that, im sure i could make friend on my own since i dress well and im kind butt omg it is so hard!! and more when i feel like im gonna feel awkward and be ridiculous.
i have a lot of papers that i would like to put in here to keep track of my wonderfull writing, hope i can do it later...
Anyway im on spring break from school.. all this week.. and it has been boring.. kind of relaxing but boring, i havent gone anywhere at ALL, i have stayed home all day all week, that sucks, in the mean time my friends from mexico im sure theyre having a blast in the beach and sun, and me? here i am.. as i was yesterday laying on the couch with my laptop next to me watchin TV and the day before, and the day before, i wish i could have more friends, like in the school and stuff, I'm not as confident as i thought i guess, i wish they could come over to my house pick me up and go with no destination just hanging out like we do it in mex. well they do it here, but since none of the few friend i have, have a car, its almost impossible for me to go out when I'm bored, i want more adventure, more fun..wild!
talking about another stuff i really want to go to Oklahoma=(!! with jarred but omg my mom just made a total big deal out of it I'm sick of it she didnt even call me today, and also my dad, i knew he would say noo... but omg c'mon im sure i will have alot of fun down there if i goo!! im dieing to goo!! that's the why of al my dieting (that now sucks cuz I'm eating like crazy), but was all bcuz of jordan i really like him and omg i really want to be down there gettin drunk with em!!
i hope this weekend i can get an affirmative answer cuz I'm not accepting a no as an answer!!! I'm really willing to go and have sleepovers with jordan and all the gang!! omg i dream about that!!
and i need to be skinny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but omg i just love to eat i would never forgive myself if another guy ditch me again because of my FAT !! eventhought i feel skinnier i still think i need more cuz sometimes i see myself so skinny and some other times i just see my fat ass in the mirror and wanna go out and throw up all i ate during the day, i would never do that cuz im not dumb and know that once you start that there no easy way to get out, but come onnnnnnnnn mannnnn he had been with a lot of hot girls im sure his ex is so damn hot, (of course not with my big bubs) but shes hot! i really hope he likes me when we get to know each other finally after all the flirting, i swear oklahoma is the only thing that right now keeps me awake dreaming i really want to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and have for at least 10 days all the fun i have missed here because of the fu**** mexican stereotype that most of the american ppl has, and is not that im blaming all on that, im sure i could make friend on my own since i dress well and im kind butt omg it is so hard!! and more when i feel like im gonna feel awkward and be ridiculous.
i have a lot of papers that i would like to put in here to keep track of my wonderfull writing, hope i can do it later...
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