Sorry for not begin able to write lately, but i have been lazy i think.. right now my mind status is.. weird i don't feel good tho.. i feel like disappointed of myself but mixed with sadness.. or maybe worry.. I'm not sure.. im just too quiet, i don't feel like talking.. but I'm not upset tho, cause in a little bit more thank a week im going to be in the place i wanted to be since i arrived here.. Oklahoma visiting jarred and jordan, hooking up with guys and getting wasted dancing the night out.. i think im so excite about that cuz in the 2 weeks that im going to spend there are my frustrated dream of the year that i thought it will be like that.. i want all the partying i haven't been doing to happen there.. yeah it is lame i know.. its kinda like i wish the life im gonna have in the two weeks there would be the life that i have been having up here in Seattle this year, as i said before it is not that i dont like what i have right now.. i just expected something different and of course more partying, dates, hot blond guys, best friends and stuff.. which haven't happened a lot..or well not at all..
The part that i mentioned at the beginning about my mind status right now i want to explain it.. the sadness is because my papadito, i just talked with my mom thru skype and told me that he has been getting worse.. that hes not going to the wedding of my cousin in Torreon because can't, she told me he can barely walk and with someone to hold him.. she told me he is not even a little bit of the papadito that i left on August 28 of the last year... that made me so sad.. she told me hes worse everyday and not that he is sick as he was but just too tired all the time, just sleeping and waking up to eat, that he doesn't hear very good and it is not that he used to hear good but that now is worse, and she also told me that is hard for him to keep a fluent conversation with someone cause he forgets the names of the things,, in few words that his mind is been damaged too.. That made me so sad.. and made me feel so selfish at the same time.. like kind of guilty because I'm not there and also that i don't talk to him a lot.. the last time i talked to him was like maybe a month ago and he couldn't hear me so well but by the time he heard my voice he said ''hija'' ''cuando llegas''' he was excited to hear me like he has been missing me... I'm crying right now... i dont him to die.. i don't anything to happen to him, i love him so much and if that happens and I'm not there i would just die.
I know God had been so good to us for let us borrow him for more than 94 years with good health and no more than happiness and good memories, I'm grateful of that, but still i don't want him to suffer i just want him to be OK and to be the same one as i left the past summer, the same old man with his baston and his little pocket for the change hanging from his belt to give to his granddaughters... i love you so much papadito, and i don't want anything to happen to you!! te amo mucho!!!!! Aguanta otro ratito mas porfavor yo se que tu puedes!!Diosito porfavor dale salud!!!
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