well im in this very serious need of writing and expressing myself.....
I feel like I have something missing, like im not complete,, something is missing in my life and I dont know what it is.. im taking a look of my horoscope to see whats next.. eventho i dont really trust that shit 100% it stills gives me kind of horientation...my soul is not happy.. not complete I have missing parts and seems like the puzzle is not done in my life..
I have been thinking in love maybe that that might be what I need to be happy again.. something that keeps me awake..wondering and wishing.. something to hope about.. to dream of... someone whom make me feel alive again.. but yeah that prince charming hasnt arrived yet.. And im truly not asking for a pronce charming or the perfect guy... Im just asking for an affair.. something to make me feel fine with myself feel the butterflies in my stomach again... god I miss that feeling..
But yeah again comes to my mind the idea that.. that would not be possible.. not here in mzt with the situations I am in right now.. and seems that they are not going away... How could I get someone who worths the effort in my poor home situation.. Im already tired of hiding it.. im done with it..
my family, the ridiculos and embarrasing situations with my mom the endless and nonstoping fights and issues in my family and home.. my house falling off just like my family did..
I am not a happy person, I try to seem like I am..like i am satisfied and happy with what I got in life.. but im not im honestly not happy at all.. I live in this constantly fightin with myself and mom.. society.. status.. everything.. I might be wrong.. I might be not ... truth is that although I have to think with my brain and heart and try not to be as ambixious as I am right now.. Im still are and I dont find another way out than to have a lil more possibilities... and by that I mean money.. again im talking about the same topic but that is what my concernes are about... and im not talking about a house at el cid.. that wpuld be very nice but honestly Im just asking for somehting that I wouldnt be ashamed of... thats all .. i dont think im asking for too much...my mom and family think I do.. but is it anything wrong with wanting more??
with not being conformist and aspiring for more or be someone in life??
damn fuck my life right now! it sucks!
I know some ppl is worst than me but life tought me to look up and not down and thats what im doing
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Today.. A year ago
Today, aguost 28 from 2010.. is my anniversary.. anniversary of the day that I left my home to go find my real home further away...
Today a year ago I was packing my last stuff.. gettin ready to take that plane and say goodbye to everybody my friends and family..and go there and find my new friends and new family..
Today a year ago my heart was broken, by that guy who dissapointed me and didnt say goodbye to me after all we were thru...
Today a year ago i was wearing a yellow shirt and some tube loose jeans.. I was heading to the airport..,
Today a year ago I went to my old school... with the fake purpouse of saying goodbye to everyone but with the real wish that him would go and hug me givin me a goodbye kiss or at least a farewell...
Today a year ago my mind and heart were stocked and ready for the best year of my life.. expecting not everything.. just the Best for me and a new life full of advetures and the most wonderfull experiences I would never forget..
Today a year ago I was anxious..I was sad.. I was dissapointed..I was excited.. I was happy.. I was nervous.. and I was afraid..a mix of all the feelings above but over all i was feeling good and expecting a life changin experience.
I never knew today a year ago would be the day that my life changed.. in all aspects... in every single way.. suddendly I had everyhting i ever wanted.. a nice and big house in a awesome city in the states.. I had the coolest family and it was JUST THE BEGGING OF MY YEAR..
I arrived to Seattle tacoma's airport at night.. it was all dark maybe 8 or 9 pm.. i found myself in the baggage claim looking for my suitcases.. A shubby brunnete woman with very curly hair wearing a bandana approached me.. ''Ana?''
That was the moment I meet them.. it was her.. Dubby. the women i have been emailing for months.. teh answer of all my school questions..
ALL MY HOPES WERE PUT ON THAT YEAR AND FAMILY
and I got more than what I expected.. not in every single way.. but surely in the family aspect.. I couldnt have more luck on that...
I arrived at the house It was all dark.. and angel was on the back of the car with me.. in his toddler car chair..
they helped me out with my stuff.. they took it upstairs.. straight to my room.. a little tinny room special for me.. one single bed with another pull out one on te bottom of it..a big white drawer and my good size closet plus a lil desk in the corner of the room adjusted to fit on the walls with some shelves on top..
It was perfect for me.. i Knew i would pimp it and make it awesome.. I couldnt be more excited.. as soon as I arrived I turned on my laptop to videocall my mom, thru skpe..
that house was awesome and I didnt even see it all that night.. but I knew it
So a year has passed.. and so fast.. a year full of dreams, good times and also the bad ones.. I wish I could rewind my life and go back at that very same day that I arrived.. Agoust 28 of 2009... i would repeat everything.. do everything over and over again that I did.. no regrets...maybe they are but with the excuse to go back that wouldnt matter...
Now AGUOST 28 OF 2010 Im home.. in mexico.. and I dont like it.. i really wish i was still there living in Redmond.. with dave dubby amy angel and even ashley and andres...
now that im back ''home'' I miss everything about my home in redmond.. I know this is my real home.. but in that one i felt pleased, happy and found the real me.. I wish I could go back..
I wonder how would it have been if i was born and raised there.. how my life would be different..
damn i wanna go back!:( so badd!!
TODAY A YEAR AGO MY LIFE CHANGED AND MADE A 180 DEGREES TURN!
im sad
Today a year ago I was packing my last stuff.. gettin ready to take that plane and say goodbye to everybody my friends and family..and go there and find my new friends and new family..
Today a year ago my heart was broken, by that guy who dissapointed me and didnt say goodbye to me after all we were thru...
Today a year ago i was wearing a yellow shirt and some tube loose jeans.. I was heading to the airport..,
Today a year ago I went to my old school... with the fake purpouse of saying goodbye to everyone but with the real wish that him would go and hug me givin me a goodbye kiss or at least a farewell...
Today a year ago my mind and heart were stocked and ready for the best year of my life.. expecting not everything.. just the Best for me and a new life full of advetures and the most wonderfull experiences I would never forget..
Today a year ago I was anxious..I was sad.. I was dissapointed..I was excited.. I was happy.. I was nervous.. and I was afraid..a mix of all the feelings above but over all i was feeling good and expecting a life changin experience.
I never knew today a year ago would be the day that my life changed.. in all aspects... in every single way.. suddendly I had everyhting i ever wanted.. a nice and big house in a awesome city in the states.. I had the coolest family and it was JUST THE BEGGING OF MY YEAR..
I arrived to Seattle tacoma's airport at night.. it was all dark maybe 8 or 9 pm.. i found myself in the baggage claim looking for my suitcases.. A shubby brunnete woman with very curly hair wearing a bandana approached me.. ''Ana?''
That was the moment I meet them.. it was her.. Dubby. the women i have been emailing for months.. teh answer of all my school questions..
ALL MY HOPES WERE PUT ON THAT YEAR AND FAMILY
and I got more than what I expected.. not in every single way.. but surely in the family aspect.. I couldnt have more luck on that...
I arrived at the house It was all dark.. and angel was on the back of the car with me.. in his toddler car chair..
they helped me out with my stuff.. they took it upstairs.. straight to my room.. a little tinny room special for me.. one single bed with another pull out one on te bottom of it..a big white drawer and my good size closet plus a lil desk in the corner of the room adjusted to fit on the walls with some shelves on top..
It was perfect for me.. i Knew i would pimp it and make it awesome.. I couldnt be more excited.. as soon as I arrived I turned on my laptop to videocall my mom, thru skpe..
that house was awesome and I didnt even see it all that night.. but I knew it
So a year has passed.. and so fast.. a year full of dreams, good times and also the bad ones.. I wish I could rewind my life and go back at that very same day that I arrived.. Agoust 28 of 2009... i would repeat everything.. do everything over and over again that I did.. no regrets...maybe they are but with the excuse to go back that wouldnt matter...
Now AGUOST 28 OF 2010 Im home.. in mexico.. and I dont like it.. i really wish i was still there living in Redmond.. with dave dubby amy angel and even ashley and andres...
now that im back ''home'' I miss everything about my home in redmond.. I know this is my real home.. but in that one i felt pleased, happy and found the real me.. I wish I could go back..
I wonder how would it have been if i was born and raised there.. how my life would be different..
damn i wanna go back!:( so badd!!
TODAY A YEAR AGO MY LIFE CHANGED AND MADE A 180 DEGREES TURN!
im sad
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