missing something..myself

well im in this very serious need of writing and expressing myself.....
I feel like I have something missing, like im not complete,, something is missing in my life and I dont know what it is.. im taking a look of my horoscope to see whats next.. eventho i dont really trust that shit 100% it stills gives me kind of horientation...my soul is not happy.. not complete I have missing parts and seems like the puzzle is not done in my life..

I have been thinking in love maybe that that might be what I need to be happy again.. something that keeps me awake..wondering and wishing.. something to hope about.. to dream of... someone whom make me feel alive again.. but yeah that prince charming hasnt arrived yet.. And im truly not asking for a pronce charming or the perfect guy... Im just asking for an affair.. something to make me feel fine with myself feel the butterflies in my stomach again... god I miss that feeling..
But yeah again comes to my mind the idea that.. that would not be possible.. not here in mzt with the situations I am in right now.. and seems that they are not going away... How could I get someone who worths the effort in my poor home situation.. Im already tired of hiding it.. im done with it..
my family, the ridiculos and embarrasing situations with my mom the endless and nonstoping fights and issues in my family and home.. my house falling off just like my family did..

I am not a happy person, I try to seem like I am..like i am satisfied and happy with what I got in life.. but im not im honestly not happy at all.. I live in this constantly fightin with myself and mom.. society.. status.. everything.. I might be wrong.. I might be not ... truth is that although I have to think with my brain and heart and try not to be as ambixious as I am right now.. Im still are and I dont find another way out than to have a lil more possibilities... and by that I mean money.. again im talking about the same topic but that is what my concernes are about... and im not talking about a house at el cid.. that wpuld be very nice but honestly Im just asking for somehting that I wouldnt be ashamed of... thats all .. i dont think im asking for too much...my mom and family think I do.. but is it anything wrong with wanting more??
with not being conformist and aspiring for more or be someone in life??
damn fuck my life right now! it sucks!
I know some ppl is worst than me but life tought me to look up and not down and thats what im doing