Hello again I'm at school right now doing nothing and just waiting for my dad
To pick me up.. So I have some news
1.- I got the job I wan tted aty el cid and I hope that can help me to get over my family and person issues
W

Hiii peopleee I haven't write in a while and in despite of all the drama I have been thru lately and the fightin with my mom
I finalllllyyyyyyy got my blackberry thata I wanted so bad
Yesyterday I went to a job interview at el cid and I might start working next week
Idk how that is gonna be but I better find out cuz I really need moneyy honeyy and I wanna travel juju I might go to orlando or miami bitch
In decemberrrrr yayayyyy I'm gonna write back to you soon haha let's NOT get my hopes up cua we all know how hard is my siatuation right noww
And how miserable my life isss let's see what future holds for muaaa

chillin before goin to bed

so.. what up hoessssssssss!!


todays is tuesday night and im not feeling good as usual! oh now that i remember I have a story!

so sunday's evening i went out with the masey,,, and we wentyou know where to do you know what!
and I loved it it was my 1st time EVER without a globe and in a hot tube! it was hot i was reallly horny that day and that was just awesome we did it twice and we got the suite w jacuzzi! sweet!
im not involving feelings..well I hope! cuz eventho he is a good guy i dont want a commitment and neither does he!


so abaou what i said on the first sentence that i dont feel good im not talking about a sickness,, my mind status and feelings ...SUCK!
like i hate being here i really wanna go live by myself or idk i dont even know what i want i juts know that im sick of this place this house everything!1

i wanna quit everything im fed up!!!!!!!!!!!!



i want a 180 degrees spin for my life!!!!!!11 i swear i need it! i never thought it would be this hard to be back home is like living in hell!!!!!! and i have no money i have been wanting to get a blackberry................and still not happening i thoight i would have more money cuz im staying here

im all the time fightin with my mom ALL THE TIME literally i dont know why i just cant keep a conversation with her im just mad at her alll the time no matter what!


:( im on suicidal mode!

missing something..myself

well im in this very serious need of writing and expressing myself.....
I feel like I have something missing, like im not complete,, something is missing in my life and I dont know what it is.. im taking a look of my horoscope to see whats next.. eventho i dont really trust that shit 100% it stills gives me kind of horientation...my soul is not happy.. not complete I have missing parts and seems like the puzzle is not done in my life..

I have been thinking in love maybe that that might be what I need to be happy again.. something that keeps me awake..wondering and wishing.. something to hope about.. to dream of... someone whom make me feel alive again.. but yeah that prince charming hasnt arrived yet.. And im truly not asking for a pronce charming or the perfect guy... Im just asking for an affair.. something to make me feel fine with myself feel the butterflies in my stomach again... god I miss that feeling..
But yeah again comes to my mind the idea that.. that would not be possible.. not here in mzt with the situations I am in right now.. and seems that they are not going away... How could I get someone who worths the effort in my poor home situation.. Im already tired of hiding it.. im done with it..
my family, the ridiculos and embarrasing situations with my mom the endless and nonstoping fights and issues in my family and home.. my house falling off just like my family did..

I am not a happy person, I try to seem like I am..like i am satisfied and happy with what I got in life.. but im not im honestly not happy at all.. I live in this constantly fightin with myself and mom.. society.. status.. everything.. I might be wrong.. I might be not ... truth is that although I have to think with my brain and heart and try not to be as ambixious as I am right now.. Im still are and I dont find another way out than to have a lil more possibilities... and by that I mean money.. again im talking about the same topic but that is what my concernes are about... and im not talking about a house at el cid.. that wpuld be very nice but honestly Im just asking for somehting that I wouldnt be ashamed of... thats all .. i dont think im asking for too much...my mom and family think I do.. but is it anything wrong with wanting more??
with not being conformist and aspiring for more or be someone in life??
damn fuck my life right now! it sucks!
I know some ppl is worst than me but life tought me to look up and not down and thats what im doing

Today.. A year ago

Today, aguost 28 from 2010.. is my anniversary.. anniversary of the day that I left my home to go find my real home further away...

Today a year ago I was packing my last stuff.. gettin ready to take that plane and say goodbye to everybody my friends and family..and go there and find my new friends and new family..

Today a year ago my heart was broken, by that guy who dissapointed me and didnt say goodbye to me after all we were thru...

Today a year ago i was wearing a yellow shirt and some tube loose jeans.. I was heading to the airport..,

Today a year ago I went to my old school... with the fake purpouse of saying goodbye to everyone but with the real wish that him would go and hug me givin me a goodbye kiss or at least a farewell...

Today a year ago my mind and heart were stocked and ready for the best year of my life.. expecting not everything.. just the Best for me and a new life full of advetures and the most wonderfull experiences I would never forget..

Today a year ago I was anxious..I was sad.. I was dissapointed..I was excited.. I was happy.. I was nervous.. and I was afraid..a mix of all the feelings above but over all i was feeling good and expecting a life changin experience.

I never knew today a year ago would be the day that my life changed.. in all aspects... in every single way.. suddendly I had everyhting i ever wanted.. a nice and big house in a awesome city in the states.. I had the coolest family and it was JUST THE BEGGING OF MY YEAR..

I arrived to Seattle tacoma's airport at night.. it was all dark maybe 8 or 9 pm.. i found myself in the baggage claim looking for my suitcases.. A shubby brunnete woman with very curly hair wearing a bandana approached me.. ''Ana?''

That was the moment I meet them.. it was her.. Dubby. the women i have been emailing for months.. teh answer of all my school questions..

ALL MY HOPES WERE PUT ON THAT YEAR AND FAMILY

and I got more than what I expected.. not in every single way.. but surely in the family aspect.. I couldnt have more luck on that...

I arrived at the house It was all dark.. and angel was on the back of the car with me.. in his toddler car chair..

they helped me out with my stuff.. they took it upstairs.. straight to my room.. a little tinny room special for me.. one single bed with another pull out one on te bottom of it..a big white drawer and my good size closet plus a lil desk in the corner of the room adjusted to fit on the walls with some shelves on top..

It was perfect for me.. i Knew i would pimp it and make it awesome.. I couldnt be more excited.. as soon as I arrived I turned on my laptop to videocall my mom, thru skpe..
that house was awesome and I didnt even see it all that night.. but I knew it



So a year has passed.. and so fast.. a year full of dreams, good times and also the bad ones.. I wish I could rewind my life and go back at that very same day that I arrived.. Agoust 28 of 2009... i would repeat everything.. do everything over and over again that I did.. no regrets...maybe they are but with the excuse to go back that wouldnt matter...


Now AGUOST 28 OF 2010 Im home.. in mexico.. and I dont like it.. i really wish i was still there living in Redmond.. with dave dubby amy angel and even ashley and andres...

now that im back ''home'' I miss everything about my home in redmond.. I know this is my real home.. but in that one i felt pleased, happy and found the real me.. I wish I could go back..

I wonder how would it have been if i was born and raised there.. how my life would be different..
damn i wanna go back!:( so badd!!


TODAY A YEAR AGO MY LIFE CHANGED AND MADE A 180 DEGREES TURN!
im sad

Chatroulette

Chatroulette

aint trippin? am I?

Oh my, i thing i dont have another choice than enrolling to Tec Milenio, i dont want to i would rather work in something make a good money and travel with that money idk.. i wanna save for traveling, i wanna go to Orlando and to Oklahoma and to Seattle, i mean maybe im tripping and i need to put my feet on the ground and accept that i dont have all that possibilities.

But gosh i think so different know that i am amoused with my feelings my dreams are so hard to reach and they are so high to accomplish, i dont know what to do next, my parents want me to go on tec milenio but dont want to.. i wanna go to guadalajara and the worst thing is that they thing that i wanna go there only por the party and to do whatever i want but not really, i dont even have the going out mood anymore or the partying one.. i need time by myself like to think or idk, im a thinker but eventho im alone all day I just need relaxing time i need to cry!!


i dont know what else to do or write.. im done with this

what's next?

So.. i have been having a really hard time here back home in mexico, I really dont like it, I actually hate it, I mean i have good time when i hang out with my friends and stuff, but i dont love it, i mean when i was gone i didnt like lose my social life at all cuz that meant that i was like livin somewhere else so it didnt matter for anyone here, but now that im back it really sucks.. i dont know what to do or think. im COMPLETELY lost, studying here in mazatlan would be my ruin.. for real, i hate it and that is what is gonna happen.. I wish I could like work or idk i really wanna go back to the states there i didnt have the night life i have here and all the drunkness or stuff, but at least i had peace and quiteness..

I had a room fro my own and everything i wanted on it, a nice house which i wasnt afraid or embarrased of showing it like this one with a beauty salon on the lower level.. which sucks looks like a fleece market down here i swear. is not classy at all. im not asking for too much.. Am I???
i just want to be normal.. i dont wanna be embarrased of what i have or my family.. thats all im asking for..

in all this year i spent in seattle i didnt cry at all.. maybe during x-mas that i did the letters to my parents.. but honestly i think we are better apart, i know there is no place like home.. but that quote doesnt apply to me.. i was better there.. eventho i hadnt much fun or i didnt have a lot of money i was happy i didnt cry at all.. there was no worries... here i have the lil party i get when i can make it to get ride home which i never get from my friends so,, but then it kind of has a hard side, cuz the social life is also high-maintance.. you lose it if you dont take good care of it.. during there the social life i had was thru skype and facebook which I loved.. cuz everybody knew why I couldnt atted the events cuz i was out of country...

Here the worries started already not only at home but everywhere, I didnt get an invite to lucia humarans party... and yeha that it is pretty lame cuz is gonna be a good party.. and the worst part of it is that is on my papadistos bday weekend and everybody is gonna be asking paulina my cousin where is she gonan go that night and stuff and she is gonna be full of shit about it and so is gonna be my tia carmen which I hate.. and I had a drema that u told her to shut the fuck up! hahaha this evening actually...

and plus that thing that I hope nobody makes fun of me or I look like the looser one in the fmaily between me and paulina with the socialite and me being a completely loooserr!...
i hate my tia carmen i can picture the scene right now ... she telling out loud to everyone that paulina has comal y metate with everyone and she is the shit and stuff and making me loook like a total looserrrrrrrr pendeja!

the other thing the pijamada last night at ale becerras was fun.. like a lot of drinking but i men... i really felt bad of what Isis was telling me.. like i knwo i dont have to care but that made me feel like i had no true friends.. or idkk.. like that made me feel awfull.. like they really have a good friendship and the are really close idk why that made me feeel like a bitch.. u all know what happenned between me and isis but god i know she was drunk.. but u know the quote yo?
kids and drunkards are the only ones whom say the truth..
so ya that was true she doesnt care about me at all.. and i mean idkk why i feel bad about it.. that makes me feel like apart...

anyway i have too much stuff going on in my life right now.. this weekend is my papaditos bday party and stuff and all the family is gonna be over.... and honestly im not in the moood for that at all !! all the ppl is gonna be asking..all the ppl is gonna be gossipin.. and im not just in the mood.. im sad that carmen left and also jealous that she is gonna have a godd time there i wish i could go there also.. i wish i could study here career... i think i have a lot of wishess...


im just sad right now and feeling like crap i have been crying lately a lot.. i just hate my life right now and the way it is.. i dont wanna study here and nadine made me a letter today that is making me feel more guilty.....and that pushes me to agree and study that here..in tec milenio..
i hate it!!


somebody help me.. i really need help rioght now and somebody that could listen me and i could just talk and talk and cry and cry... my mom=daughter relationship is screwed up i cant even talk to her and i dont want to is the worst thing i know is not her fault.. i love my mom is just that.. idk idk how to explain all the shit that i haven going on in my mind right now!
my life is messed up!
quiero a mi abuelita maria o a alguien que se me aparesca o nsoe alguine que me guiee quiero ser alguien en esta vidaaa porfavorr ayudaaa :(

BACK TO REALITY

Hello again, i havent write anythign ina while i knwo you know that sometimes im to lazy to write eventho i love writing, i really hope i dont loose my reading and writing skills while im here in mexico cuz simply here nobody does..

anyway im back home and it is weird.. but not that weird it doesnt seem that i have been gone for a whole year.. it seems like yesterday taht i went to a party or idk.. the same porblem same arguments and issues with my mom and dad same house.. well this time worse cuz idk we always fight im really lookinf forward to leave to gdl evetho idk if i can make it with my dad and all the thing that he says and my mom and the money!

it is so sad to be back im really missing my home back up there in Redmond it was all peace no fights no crying no anything!
and here im already havign trouble with my mom... here im poor.. there i wasnt!

i wish i had money really.. like im not asking for like being millionary or extremely rich im just asking for a normal house in a normal neighboorhood .. well ill write later on

who could ever imagine..

well, Now is June 1.. oficially 20 days before my departure to my Mazatlan.. and my sleeping schedule is screwed up and i cant fall asleep so here I am.

I actually think that i have gotten over my obsession with Jordan Bush a little bit.. and right now i just looked at our wall to wall from the first time we talked..

in may 2007..

which means exactly .. 3 YEARS AGO!

who could ever imagine or think that we would met and have an affair, since the time he added me i thought he was hot but i mean.. nothing else haha he was hitting on me and he tthought i was carmens sister but anyways haha who could ever imagine that three years later from that days when jarred was visiting mzt for his first time , me and jordan bush we could have sex !
well i dont know what to say.. but , que vueltas que da la vida! you never know! maybe my next fuck buddy is Simon Wendl, Annas brother from germany hahaha he also added me and stuff thingkin i was cute it is the exactly same situation that happened with jordan.. and now look how i am after what happened!! well honestly i dont regret it, i actually miss it! the sex was so damn good!.. but i can barely remeber it.. haha and the fact that we got caught almost the four times we did have it and all the stuff that happened! hahaha anyway i dont wanna talk about that anymore i have to get over that topic honestly!


im going back home soon.. and im nervous/excited and feeling weird about it, i have no idea what is happening with my college and stuff.. but I know that i dont wanna stay in Mazatlan for too long and see everyone leaving, who would i hang out with :s??! i dont even want to think about that!

im a fat ass and i need to stop!!!!!! I will have fun back in mex for sure but i was thingking about this..


i wanna be back on the states and I dont wanna forget this, im still bummed for all that happened in Oklahoma and how fun it was so i have decided i wanna be back there!! i need to save money, or get a job back in mex or idk but i wanna spend next summer there with Jarred and all the crew.

I also need to gain everyones trust and faith by becoming a good girl so i would use the trust later on when i wanna go back and live with jarred for at least a month or two.. a summer..

I wouls love to spend a semester there and stuff but im not sure if my career has something there,, and c,mon... Oklahoma??/ nah! is not that nice i just loved the partying and the people thats all cuz there is no future in my career there!

well thats all i have to say for now.. tomorrow im going to the zoo!! yay!
and well actually i have a lot to tell and a lot going on that i would like to talk about later, im not in the mood of writing right now..later!

back from OKC

hello again! its been a while since i wrote here the last time, but i have been pretty depressed that's why i haven't i wanted too write everything that happened down there, but i just wasnt in the mood to write.. anyway here I come i dont wanna get more sad!

My trip to Oklahoma was simply awesome!! I loved it so fuckin freackin much! the two weeks went by SO FAST!! we partied every single day til we get fucked up! we didnt drink I think only 2 days of the entire trip! The partying was better than what i Expected! My wish came true and i made the trip I always wanted with Jarred and Finally got to meet my Jordan!

Eventhough i dont remember everything cuz most of the time i was drunk, i still remember a bunch of stuff that happened, i kind of lost track of the days when i was there, so i dont know what happened exactly in what days haha but at least i know that happened!

Well the first day when i got there Jackie when to pick me up at the airport! she's a sweetheart! shes the twins mom! and i loved her! After i met with Jarred at walmart we made it our way to Stillwater to the apartments!!(reserves).. Nathan was down there and he was the one who took my 50 pounds suitcase to the third floor! how sweet!
Jordan wasnt there when i arrived he was with the fraternity thing, so we got ready for the night and we wanted to smoke weed! i met this funny girls downstairs, shelby, allie, and bailey! they were the shit hahaha! and we smoke weed together MY FIRST TIME!!!
I didnt feel anything tho.. i took like 3 drags and nothing... i dont know what happened i just wanted to get wasted that night hahah but i wasnt high AT ALL! they say that the first time u dont feel anything u have to try twice! but anyway we left to a '''party'' at Taylors house, we learned to play zumie zumie and drank vodka shot like crazy, pretty soon we were fucked up haha and i went to taylors car with a bunch of kids while we were fucked up and smoke more weed me withg like 6 kids! hahaha butt OMG taylor was getting tooooo closee! he was touchin my leg under the table!!! that was so weird i was telling bailey but hahaha it was funny also and i was fucked up!! anyway when we left we kissed hahahaha and he is simply disgusting not cute at all but i was wasted so doesnt matter! after we left i dont remember what happened maybe i do but not right now! we went home i think hahah!

Next day we went to walmart to get some stuff me and jarred! and in the night i think we made a party at our place ahaha we got sunnyD! and i think at the begging i was the only one with the guys nhaha whichi i loved being the only girl!! i dont remmeber what happened that night!im just looking at the pictures! the next night we were gettin ready to go to a fashin show and i pit my yellow dress on! and heels! Jordan told me that i was looking Bonita :) and i loved it! hahaha i know i look hot with that dress!we picked up Jordan at the pike house and i was a lil bit drunk and i was like is so hot in here!! and all the pikes were looking at me hahaha!! we went to the fashion show and i was texting jordan that night and we were flirting everything was ready for the night!,, after the show we went to a gay party which i dont remember a lot cuz i was hella DRUNK! but i do remember the black guy with the goosebumps which jarred reminded me! THANK YOU! hahah i remmeber i was wasted and texting jordan that i wanted to go home and party with him cuz there was also a party there.. after a while we went there and i dont remember what happened i just remember that YES that night was my first night with jordan! i dont remember how i got naked..I just remember me and him locked in the bathroom and in the room doing it.. the clearest thing i remember is me on top of him in the toilet hahaha,, but it was fun i think! after we finished and everybody was knocking the door victoria asked me if we had sex and i answered Ofcourse nott!! hahahaha what a whore i AM! but i dont care!! he was nice ke was telling me that everything was allright and he had everything controlled and nobody was gonna see us! what a sweetheart uh? also that day we went to have lunch to el tapatio! and Next day we drove to cushing and then to the cook out BBQ with Jackies family!


The next thing can remember by the pitures is another party we did t our place which i wasnt dresed up i was with my pink black dress and he black guys appeared and we took a lot of shots and then i was puking in the bed and jordan helped me with the garbage can and the i came again to life and i was mad at the black kids idk why but jordan was a sweetheart and calmed me down cuz i was texting him to get home with nathan right now! hahaha i was DRUNK!
i dont remember what happened after that i think nathan was death and me and Jordan did it again in Nathans bed while he was sleeping ahahaha and he came in like 5 minutes he was a sweetheart that night!! he was telling me such nice thing that i was so hot and pretty and loved me and mayy me and a lot of bluff and bullshit that i believed!

Next day was a Sunday and we didnt drink at all i dont rememebr what we did tho! haha we just went to cushing and i took a shower ther enad jarred went to his tumble classwork! and oh! we catch a bird in his backyard!

I think next dy we went to eat to Texas Road house the day when nathan was high as a kite haha! and that night we partied again at home and i was wastedddddddddd! i remmebr we were playing botellita truth or dare and everybody was kissing everybody hahaha, nathan gave me a mothor boat and i kissed andrew, carly and everyone in the house playing the game jordan, jarred, nathan hahaha it was fun! and andrew kissed jarred with so much passion hahaha!
also we were dancing techno with the red light and i was talking to the african french speaking guy which was SO HIGH!

well next day i think we partied again at home hahah i dont remember details form that night! just that jarred spent the night with some guy and i think that was the day when i was in the couch and nathan jumped on top f me, took his shirt off and told me that i ws gonna have the best orgasm ever if i could do i with him, i told him that i was with jordan and he told me that he was with vic and a bunch of stuff that he was player and that HE LOVED MY ACCENT AND THAT TURNED HIM ON! hahahahah whih was funnyy he took ou a green condom hahah but i just stood up and left him there, id remeber where was jordan at!! i dont even remember if that was the same day! i was so drunk that MY MEMORIES ARE MIXED UP AND MESSED UP!
but we didnt have sex haha he used his dedos,but that was al, one prt of me wanted to but i i just couldnt hahaha it was fun tho! i was giving im ice cream later on while he as passing out i his bed and we were kisisng again and he umpe on m again and jarred saw us hahaha but i think that was all!!ohh and now that i remmeebr Jordan was at cushing like agood buy sleeping for his drug test hahaha and nervous!

i think we partied a night or two and me and Jordan did it again on the couch and Jarred caught us and he didnt finish he told me he was tired, that day i ripped of me beatifull american eagle silk pijama that i was wearing the first time when i was on top of him taking my clothes off! AHH AND I WAS SO LOUD! maybe thats why he told me he was tired hahah and we did it doggie style! which i love but im fat hahah

Next morning jarred and I went to get the money for the alcohol for that night from victoria and it was so fuckin hot i got sunburn! haha and went to have brunch at Arbies
THAT WAS 5 DE MAYOO!! everyone was sooo excited with 5 de mayo and the mexican stuff, i didnt even mind haha i didnt even remebered what was it! but that was the craziest night ever, and the night that my hopes, expectatives and my thoughts changed about JORDAN ASSHOLE BUSH!

i dont remeber a lot but we were partying at vics and then at home i guess.. everyone was fucked up cuz i dont rememebr a shit from that night but JORDAN was wasted!! he got so fucking drunk with the bunch of alcohol we bought and he started being so agressive, we went downstairs to party with at shebys and he was kind of flirting with her! also dylan was over and they were raping as usual, and jordan smacked me in front of him! anlo DYLAN was flriting with mee SO MUCH! he was telling me that i was pretty as fuck.. cool as fuckk.. everything as fuckk! hahaha i liked him :)
Later on that night the fuss started cuz jordan GOT SO AGRESSIVE!! he started yellling and holleing to everyone tryiung to figth with everyone and started chocking jarred!! i was SO WASTED! that i dont remember a shit!! i know that i was crying and telling him that he was an asshole and stuff cuz some bitches showed up and he was flirting with one of them infront of me!!! and the night before we did it!! i was PISSEDD!! and drunk alsoo!! so there was a fight also he fought with victoria and me and i took alll my stuff and i was leaving i took random stuff and i was spending the night at vics evethough i hated her that night we were bfs cuz we were against jordan!! one part opf me wanted to stay and wait form him to come down and kiss him again! but i just couldnt !! i spent the night there i didnt left with vic, after jordan passed out and jarred and jackie were in the phone and jarred crying i went to sleep on the couch...that night was a mess!!

Next morning as usual i was hung over as shit and jordan cames to my couch tellign me baby.. what happened last night? i dont remeber a shit!! i could belive that he didnt remeber a shit cuz he was heellllllaa drunkkk and wastedd !! but i was super mad and pissed offf! i just told him a couple of things that happened about the choking, jackie on the phone, the girl, crying and then i told him i was gettin tested with aids and std's as vic told me to say to him cuz i was pissedd!!
anyway i loved and wanted him so much that it was just my ego that was talking i always wanted to go jump on him and kiss and do him all over again no matter how mad i was! but my ego is too big ! hahaha

Me and Jarred didnt talk to him all day long, we wanted him to realize what he did last night and how wrong he was and al the mistakes he made and all the ppl he made cry!!
That night we partied AGAIN at home, have i mentioned my crush on ROUCH? hahaha i love him he is hot but also kind of guetto and crazy hahaha anyway i had so much fucn with him! ne part og me wanted to do him hahaha!! well that night we partied a lot and i was drunk as usual, and Jordan apologized finally later on that night while i was drunk he told me i was georgous and stuff and i dont remeber but he gave me a speech and also apologized to vics, and i told him i loved him so much! that night he didnt have a beer at all he was sober playing xbox all night:) which i loved! he was being a good boy!!
After that jarred left to a party with vic and etc, he told me to come but part of me wanted to stay with Jordan so i stayed and pretended that they left me! hahaha!! we had fun anyway in the house there was also people over, the red shirt FAT guy with his ugly girlfriend haha we were ahving fun and told me about the mexicnas knwo how to shake it haha! also ROUCH MY LOVE was over he also was flirting wiht me all the time, and stinky crisco and his GF! iuk hahaha and nathan i think he was death as usual!! black out haha!! mcdonalds!!!!!! hahaha put it down!!

When everyone finally left jordan and I stayed by ourselves finally! no jarred!!! and he did it!!:) againnn for the fourth time!! itwas great we did it in the bed and jarred showed up in the middle of the thing as usual !! but it was cute!!the other ting is that i got my period right there! jordan told me!! that sucked i was so ashamed hahahha anyway i slept in the coush and Jordan was so nice!! btw next morning i had to wash the sheets hahaha there was blood on them!! IUK!!

One night between all that i said was the night when london and emily were over and we went to mcdonalds and emily almost threw up in me because of the seat bealt it was so funny hahaha and we were in girl talk about jordanand all that stuff hahaha i loved that night hahah but i dont remmebr clearly.

The very next day we partied at home as usual i think i dont remember what happened but Jordan was with some girl ''Sammy''' she wasnt even pretty he didnt spend the night at home i think cuz everybody left the party and the girl was still over with him alone in the living room!! i was so fuckin sad i wanted to cry! cuz the night before we did it!! WHAT A DICKHEAD JORDAN BUSH!!! I HATE YOU!!! in the morning i think nathan jarred and I went to have lunch at WHICH WICH again! i loved that place hahah

well that day started all the fuss with Sammy that blonde whore, Next day was mothers day and we went to cush to spend the day with Jackie! magically Jordan appeared in the couch like at 9 am! i asked him where did he spend the night and he told me taht home.. LIAR!!! and that he was downstairs playing drinking games... yeah sure!! BULLSHIT!!

i got a cake for jackie after the buffet and spent the day there it was nice after all,, it was Andrews bday so we partied at Stillwater again that night, Jackie told us to be home on monday early because of the TORNADOS!!we wento over to brittanys she was fun!! hahah we partied again that night and Jordan didnt spend the night home either.. that was SAD! i texted him in the morning and told him to get home wherever in the heelll he wass!! he finally got home like in the afternoon and we went to have lunch somewhere and then we left to cush escaping form the tornados hahaha! it was fun tho! they were scaring me as jarred normally does by pullling over the car hahaha!! That night was so fun with the chihuahua guy and telling him all my life and the story between me and jordan an the whore with the same dress hahaha!

omg is so hard for me to remember the order or the things and how the happened im pretty sure all this is messed up hahaha!

I think that same night was the night i had the fight with jordan! yes it was!! after partyng at the apartment everybody had already left and jarred was sleeping i think, nathan and I were still awake laughin hahah and DRUNK having fun and making out as usual haha we used to kiss and make out every single night when drunk haha and in the morning we would forgot and act like nothing happened hahaha i love him so much hes like my bestie!! hahah he is so fun!! we took like a hundred of pictures together!! hahaha

so THE FIGHT! when me and nathan were in the couch laughing and kissinig.. Jordan knocked the door so hard and finally got home! i told him i was sorry for being sleeping in his bed the past nights! hahah I was WASTED! then suddendly i dont how this happened but we jordan and me where fighting i dont even remeber about what!! i wa yelling!! 'JORDAN I SAW YOU WITH THE BROWN HAIR WHORE'' and stuff.. and she was blonde! hahaha WAS I DRUNK???hahah and i started tellin him that he was an asshole dickehad menhore player like everyone else in here and adont remeber what else, he told me mexican bitch, non english speaking bitch and a idk what elsee,, he threw water to me in the kitchen and wet my dress and boob! nathan was also there just satirng at us fighting and laughing hahahahah so i took a bottle full of water and threw it to him,, we starting wetting each other so at the end we where both wet!! well he was all wet so he had to change his clothes hahahha i felt sorryy for a lil bit cuz i couldnt stand jordan the guy who was fucking me beign mad at me!! and also my first real love here in the states !! so within minutues i apoligized when he was chaging his clothes but he ignored me, and that was also his fault he started itt!! not only me!!

well he left that night again when i went out with nathan to get a cigarrette!, nathan and i went inside and he so nice started telling me bedtime stories like hanxel and gretel, red little ridin whore and a buch onf stories the piggies hahahaha it was su much fun!! THOSE ARE THE BEST MEMORES I HAVE FROM NATHAN HE IS A SWEETHEART!! and then we were making out again gaha kising it seems that he wanted more but i was so wasted that i couldnt even kiss him hahaha he finally noticed that i was falling a sleep kissed me on the lips and left to his room!!

Next day as walys in the morning we were trying to remember what happened last night ah jarred nathan and I went again to texas road house for lunch, jordan was still sleeping with the whore!
i didnt eat all my plate so i asked for a box and took it to go it was a lot of food, and i was thinking about jordan and that he might me hungry! do we took it home. when we got home he was there and i told him i was sorry, and that i wasnt only my fault that he owned me an apologize also!! cuz he started it! well we werent talking for a little while but then we were kind of OK.. we ate all the food as i thought he might have been starving my poor baby boy!! he also had a chupeton but i acted cool about it as if i didnt mind but i was dying inside!

MY LAST NIGHT!
i already told u guys all my two weeks in Oklahoma and the little a remember! and this is my last night there...

That was the worst i was WASTED, DRUNK, FUCKED UP, UNSOBER, hahahahhabut very bad ahhaha
It all started late i tried on like 5 outfits and i didnt know what to wear i finally opted for the white and black dress thta i wore the first night there hoping that anybody remembered! hahaha Rouch was over and as always so nice and flirty to me! i love him!! i feel like i know him since all my lifee!! well im sure i had a lot of fun that night i was wasted and again Sammy was over and again pretending to be nice to me.. telling me to not leave and that she loved my outfits and my juicy couture necklace.. BULLSHIT!! god knows what shit Jordan told her about me and now she was with him.. fuckin ugly whore!!we had a cigarrete together tho haha

Well later on that night i have no idea what happened i think everybody left and me and nathan were holding hands and we went over to vics to keep the party there, jarred was with Isaac this guy he spent the night with haha... we went in rouchs car and it was pretty packed haha but i didnt mind i was just holding nathans hand and telling to each other that we would never leave with them! we were fucked up!

As soon as we got to vics I pucked hahaha in the porch it was gross i dont remember ANYTHING!! LITERALLY ANYTHING!! nathan left me and god knows how he got home!! i slept in vics couch that night cuz i woke up like at 10 finally alive!! and i had to catch a plane like at 5 i was so hung over i think i was still drunk hahah i was felling like SHIT,, after a while jarred picked me up (thank god i had my cellphone in my boobs) and my camera hangin from my neck!
so we went to pack my stuff take a shower and stuff to the apartment.. get ready to leave:( here comes the sad part!! SAYING GOODBYE TO JORDAN!! he was gettin ready to go out with sammy i think cuz he got up early but he told us he was going qith the pikes! LIAR!
so he told me good bye! i kissed him in the cheek and tell him to take care and that i loved him!! after he left i wanted to cry so bad!!:( but I didnt... then nathan was still sleeping and i told him good bye i kissed hiim in the cheek like a houndred times and jumped with him in his bed also i didnt want to leave him!! i LOVE HIM!! he was so sad talling me to stay and stuff and about going to mexicoo and everythingg that was soo sad:( imiss him like craaazyy!!

then we went to Taco bell for lunch and saw the hottest guy in Stillwater,, Adam hahahah.. we ate there and then left to cushing to go to tulsas aiport, jackie and ben took us! and it was sad! to say goodbye to jarred in the airport and stuff:( i miss him so much and everyone down there in Stillwater Oklahoma! i had the best time of my life down there!! i wish i could go back!! and im going back idk when but i will.. this is not the last time im gonna see Jordan and Nathan!!!
peace!

People im missing like crazy and definetly seeing again

-Jarred - im sure im seeing him again so im not worried, i wanna travel the world with him BF!

-Jordan - if i dont see him again i would die!, i so wanna do him again! Iwould like him to madure and marry me later on, quit being a menwhore

-Nathan - i would marry him right now if he quits drinking! i love him with all my heart, we became pretty close and i wanna party with him again!! i hope soon this is not a good bye!

-Rouch - eventhough he is ghetto and creep i love him, i think he can protects me and he is sweet by telling me come back and everything, he would do everything for the ones he loves and so hott!!

Some other People I loved also

-SeaRock - my feyonce!! he is kind of ugly but he is the sweetest guy EVER! polite with manners hardworker, caring, and cute as pie!! get better Jake cuz im marrying you!!

-Andrew- fighter but so funny and caring love him!

-Carly - she could be my bf, saved my life with water!

-Jane - super sweet girl ever you could tell her everything

-Dylan - rapper, kind of thick but cute! i lke them that way! protective

-Crisco - when drunk realized hes cool as shit but stinky

-Cale - his mom :( he is not super cute bti would marry him he so sweettttttttt!!

-Zack -gay -- he is a bitch hahaha

-Sean- gay -- loves to party, bitch and fun

Colombiano ditched

Talking about another stuff this Saturday night I met Christian, the car wash guy who Roddy have been talking about since a long time ago, and about me hooking up with him. After all that bloof of Roddy all the time referring to my ''novio'' i finally got to meet him, Roddy gave him my number and he called me on Saturday like at 12 pm or so.. asking me if i wanted to go out in the night with him.. yeah kind of a date hahaha.. i wasnt sure and comfy with that calls but i agreed and said yes influenced by Amy and Roddy telling me that i dont lose anything if i go.. i would be out of home.. he invited me to Fussion.. a club in Seattle but after thinking about it i thought i might be weird like dancing and all the stuff and i dont know him so i told Roddy to tell him that would be better if we could go to the movies or something like that.. Christian agreed and he accorded to be at my hose t 9:30 pm to pick me up...

He is from Colombia and speaks Spanish as me, but i dont really like his accent tho, hahaha hes like ''chocolatico'' ''Anita'' and talking in ''Usted'' hahaha which is so weirdddddddddd!!! I personally think that sounds tacky or naco hahaha some of his words were weird! and he was calling me Anita all the time hahaha! anyway he was nice and very kind and of course very good looking tall with green eyes and im not sure if he uses braces hahaha i can barely remember his face now!!


I wasn't that excited about the idea of the guy, actually i wasn't sure about going but a part of me was telling me that i wouldn't lose anything if i go.. so i was planning to go..
I actually went shopping with Amy to Redmond town center that evening and had fun haha, after that i got home and everybody already knew about my date with the Colombiano, Dave made a couple jokes about it and seemed that he didnt agree with the idea that i was going on a date with a strange guy, but it didnt seem like a big deal for him he didnt tell me anything..and i didnt thing he would..

Later on that night like at 8:30 the fuss started i was getting ready, (and to mention that i wasnt very excited as i was with nick, i didnt care if i looked really fat and all that, i didnt even shave my mustache or hands hahaha so that means i wasnt really excited)
So Dave started saying thing about the kid and if that was OK for me to go.. i didnt take it very seriously i was actually doing my make up when Roddy called me to tell me that Dave called him very mad telling him why he was hooking up me with some carwasher older than me and a lot of stuff and told me to cancel the date.. I did cancel it.. i texted him like at 9:05 telling him that i had to babysit angel and that i couldnt go with him to the movies or wherever we were going..
he inmediately called me back telling me that he was on the freeway close by my house and that he at least wanted to see me. i agreed and let him came over to my house, that when i met him and we talked for like 20 minutes because i was supposed to be on my duty babysitting Angel.

I wasn't mad at Dave but one part of me thought he was going a little bit too far with his roll of ''guardian'' he told me it was his responsibility and i seemed i didnt care but on sunday i actually was mad after thinking about the shit that happened last night.. i really thought the fulano was cute and i dont know i felt like mad at him because of not letting me go because i didnt know him and all the shit he told me when i told him that i was not going anymore... c'mon im not a girl anymore i am 18 and the first actual date that i was about to have after almost 8 months here in the states he screwed it !! im going to be weird with him from now on.. i want him to notice that i got mad and i didnt like what he did screwing uo my date and making me seem like a little girl whom need to ask her mommy and daddy to go on a date with a 21 real old guy..!!that's the part i hate the most!! i look dumb!!

Today Monday the guy called me twice and texted me,, he was nice and if hes texting me and all that stuff again that means he stills was to hang out with me and if he wants i will go!! i dont know what I'm telling dave or dubby or what but i will go! i wont let him crew up my stuff again!! doesn't matter if roddy made this out or not!

i have to go to bed to go to school tomorrow cuz today i didnt got i could wake up in the morning.. hope the weeks go on fast cuz Oklahoma here i come...............!! and i want to be skinny;( i just had 2 burritos for dinner plus a corn im such a fat ass!! i hope Jordan and the other hots guys there doesnt mind it at all ;( cuz my self steem is on he ground right now!!!!!!!!!see ya guys

by the way the picnic from yesterday Sunday was nice and i got a little bit tanned wuwuuu!!

family situations.no please!

The others things that also influence my thoughts and my status of mind right now is that i feel guilty.. i mean I'm going to Oklahoma next week and I'm so excited about that, i can barely fall a sleep without thinking about that and all the crazy stuff we are gonna do there and all the fun I'm going to have.. as i said my frustrated dreams i wish that could be like my normal life here.. and that's why i feel guilty, cause i think i didn't do enough to try to socialize and to get the friends i wanted.. and now is too late.. this afternoon while i was watching TV downstairs i realized that I'm arriving on may 12 and the prom is on may 22... like a week later.. i don't have a dress, appointment with the salon, shoes, make up, tickets, and the last but most important.. the date..
Yes i don't have a guy to take me, and it would be lame to go by myself, i was all the time dreaming about going with the tall blond guy whom would be crazy about me, and spending a lot of money in me,, but that just didn't happen, i also realized that by the time i arrive from Oklahoma there would be like a little but more than a month and then i will be packing to go back home in Mazatlan.. and my year is gonna be over... i don't want it to be over.. i don't wanna go back home.. i don't wanna have conflicts with my mom all the time.. i don't wanna go back to that house which i don't like, i don't wanna hear my parents fight about money all the time, the craziness of my mom, the irresponsibility of my dad,, my sister's mood.. is my family and i love them more than anything in the world, i would give my life for them.. but i wish the thing could be different for us.. maybe I'm to ambitious, i ask for too much, and I'm talking about the money, i wish we could have a nice house.. maybe that would be the end of all the drama, i know i have always dreamed with a big house, a car, rich lifestyle and all the stuff.. but i thing with a normal house would be enough for me to be happy, they say is not the house or the money what makes a good person.. but in my case i think it would be better to our family case..

Today when i was talking to my mom and sis thru skype i could hear them fighting as they always do.. about money my mom yelling like all the time saying that she doesnt have any money, hollering to my sister ''Ask your dad'','' Tell him the same your saying to me'',''exigele''..
and all that.. that reminded me how my life used to be last year there.. awfull, and im just referring to my family life, I think the things could be a little more different if we had a normal House as i said, i mean I'm asking for a 3 room 2 bathroom house in at least alameda or lomas, or idk i just want to get rid of the centro..or at least if my house was nice even if i live in the worst neighborhood that wouldn't matter to me.. but is not the truth is that I'm ashamed of it.. that why i don't want anybody to pick me up or take me back home, besides almost anybody wants to, cuz is too far from where all the people live and nobody know my neighborhood and the few people that might want to take me or go visit me i say no cuz i don't want them to see where i live..
that is so lame.. i know i mean if i could have my own room with my own stuff.. and nobody interfering in my own things or sleeping all together.

The other thing that pissed me of is my feeling of like guilty about the money to Oklahoma, i currently have 365 dlls to cover my expenses during my time there, but im not sure it would be enough.. i hope my dad can give me an extra 100 dlls or maybe la ayoya that is always so good to me could give me something.. and i also hope i don't spend a lot of money this week to can spend there in Oklahoma.. my mom told me she will deposit me my month allowance in the next days.. i feel bad to ask her for my month cuz she already paid for my ticket $250... but the truth is that without that money I'm not sure if i could make it.. i know shes not rich and we have trouble with money but i don't know i know i don't ask for too much as my friends spend.. i mean i get 100 dlls a month and normally spend the last 2 weeks of it trying to don't spend on anything cuz i dont have more than 20 dlls left.. that's how the things are normally for me.. and thats why i feel bad and guilty for asking her for my allowance..i wish i couldn't feel guilty like my cousins do.. ask her parents for money all the time, even though they have their own money saved but they just doesnt want to spend theirs, or even when they still have money left, they ask for more cuz they know is not big deal for them and also keeping the change and all the stuff.. i couldn't do all that.. i would feel guilty cuz i know my mommy doesn't have a lot of money shes poor, well we are poor, and my dad now a day his job is going very good, he got a brand new truck and is doing well with bills and my monthly payment up here.. but is the same for us he is so cheap and he lets my mom at the end of the bills to pay, he gives her so little money that doesn't cover all our maintenance i think it was $700 pesos a week.. which is less than $70 dlls but my mom is so good that she can manage it with that little money, well he used to give her that money when i was there, i don't know if he now gives more.. im not sure, but im sure that as soon as i get there im gonna ask him for certain thing that i want from him since hes now doing good in his job.. like a cellphone plan which he would pay, a weekly allowance that he will need to give to me no matter what and i want a car.. I'm not sure if that would happen.. but i still want it.. keep dreaming Ana!


The other night i was thinking about my career, university and all that.. i don't wanna stay in Mazatlan, for the reason i mentioned above,, and will list them again:
-house, (don't like it at all, ashamed of it, and so ppl cant go visit me and I'm sick of hiding it)
-family situations,( mom moods, money fighting, dad irresponsibility, don't let me do anything)
-social status, ( if you stay means u don't have the money to leave)
-husband?? ( how can i get a good prospect in mzt if all the cholos stay there? how can i get a good bf and so forth if all the lame class is the one who stays?)
-career ( i want to study at uvm and that is not in mzt)(but my parents doesn't care)


Now that i have tried living on my own i loved it, i have peace and do what i want with nobody telling me to take a shower or go to bed, i have my own consequences and manage my self to do everything for me, i also wondered how it would be like living in the apartment with my cousins Carmen and Paulina in GDL, considering that her apartment there is three times better and bigger than my current family house in Mzt, and it has more than 1 bathroom, i could invite people over with no shame FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE besides the house here in Seattle. That would be very nice, i care a lot about my cousins and I'm sure they do about me and think we could work it out living together, i mean i could cook and I'm organized, we could all hang out together and got to the clubs,, but i don't really think that would happen.. my dad wouldn't pay for all that.. i wish my tia chayo could sponsor my career.. that would be nice! but c'mon keep dreaming again Anita!

i don't know why i feel like this trashy right now talking about all that, i think is good for me tho cuz i kind of relieve myself my writing it down, but there is also good things, it seems that i just write about the bad ones but those are the ones who consum my thoughts the most, the fact that I'm going to OKC makes me so happy, I'm a lil bit worried about the stop in Phoenix and in Denver but God and the Virgin Marie will be with me and i will make it with no trouble if they want.