i just wanna like.. be happy with myself

So yeah i hate it it been whiles since i wrote on my blog the last time!!
i wish i could write every single day or at leat once or twice a week :(!

my life is LAME right now!

well first of all I guess my holidays were OK idk how but i made it to Orlando with help of la ayoya of course.. i went to disney world with all my cousins and we did have a very good time!
Iwas amazed to find out that im not amused with Disney anymore.. like i remember when i was a little kid i would freak out and couldt sleep the night before bcause i was just thinkin on the veyr next day i was goin to disneyland ..
so well yeaah my childhood is gone.. i wasnt that excited about disney this time.. and not even about tha chraracters on the animal kingdom day i actually wanted to leave but yeah i think im 19 now enjoying my last teen year...


i hate the fact that in every single post i say that my laf is lame.. it sucks and its awful.
but this is just the way i feel about it . i hate living here so bad.. and lately its been worst.. we have been out of running water for more than 6 months.. (since i got home from seattle)
i hate taking showers with cold water or with water buckets! im not fuckin askin for too much damn!!! I JUST WANT A NORMAL HOME!!! im not happy with my life at all.. im fat!!
i have no willin power, i need to exercise im so sick of all this bullshit right now!

like i would really love to have a normal family for once.. like a lovin family which i can be myself with.. express me BE ME !! for some reason i dont like my mom. we cant never get along well. we always fight for some reason or another. i hate it . i have no confidence on her. i dont feel like talkin to her NEVER! I would never thought of this before but i think we are better when we are apart :s i know it sounds so bad nd horrible coming from me.. but its just the way it is! same shit with my dad . the things are different i dont like my familiar life . i dont like my house. i cant never have friends over. i am ashamed of it. true. and i cant do nothing about it.

my mom doenst care at all and has never cared about our house, home, i hate the way she is with that. i mean i love my mom the most but she is so out of it. i wish i had a mom who could have a pretty house. care about other. have social life. dress good nd just be more like me!
she doesnt fit .. or maybe im the wrong one in this house.. I DONT FIT IN THIS ENVIRONMENT.!!

i so wish i could have a different life... like i must have to say this is not bad at all i have had some good times that would never trade for anything..... i guess... but yeah i feel sad all the time :(
i been watchin the kardashian and their glamorous lives a lot lately.. nd i would soo love to have one of thos glamorius livess... like for real im not askin to be billionare or have a mansion in each state of the USA! im not askin for too much :(! im serious i just have tons of dreams i dont want fame, paparazzis or anything like that i swearrr!!
i just want some fun some social life, fucus on what i want . do what you like... BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF AND WHAT I AM!!!!



chagin the topic a lil bit.. i bee textin LUCAS SILVA,, the brasilero rememba???
yeah so he is pretty hot nd i want him to do me! thats all!!
nd Jordan is an ass lately